That Christmas, This Christmas

Chapter Three (Continued)

Jax's attention flits towards Gwen, and a warm smile fills his face. I'm instantly forgotten—anything that I thought we were discussing long gone from his mind. All he wanted was to tell me that he still likes to drink Baileys at Christmas. Nothing more, nothing less... yet I got carried away. My head is scrambled, and I need to sort it out. Fast.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I smile and glance between the two of them, not knowing where to look.

'We were looking for you,' Gwen says, shifting her arms slightly. The jacket that hugs her ample curves, the casual looking green pencil dress peeking out of the bottom... nothing can prepare me for what my eyes land on next.

A tiny, chubby, calm infant is attached to her side, swinging their red-tight-covered legs as they play with a plastic candy cane. The entire world freezes, stops spinning on its axis, as the baby of no more than one looks up, their eyes landing on mine. I'm too far away, but I'm ninety percent sure I can tell which colour is staring back at me. Forest green.

'I'm here,' Jax replies to Gwen before he looks down at the baby girl and smiles. Beads of sweat inch out my pores. Jax lifts a hand, gently stroking his large finger down an absurdly chubby cheek. She giggles, batting him away before shoving the candy cane in her mouth. My heart pounds against my ribcage. I feel sick.

Jax drops his hand before sparing a gaze for me. 'What were you saying?' he asks.

I'm flustered, my forehead on fire, hands shaking, anxiety pooling out of every crevice of my body. Tearing my gaze from the small baby, I avoid Jax's stare, not willing to see their similarities. It's too soon. It's too raw. It's... Jax moving on.

It's completely and utterly justifiable.

'Oh... nothing,' I manage to spit out before stepping back and looking down at the gin in my arms. 'Thanks for this.' I wave the bottle towards him. 'Enjoy... your Baileys.' I point to the bottle in his hand before turning and sweeping out of the aisle, the rest of Mum's list be damned.

I'm overheating and there's no sign of fresh air anywhere in this store. Heading back to the refrigerated section seems like the smartest move, but the chill is more than likely going to slam me harder into reality.

And... if this is reality... I don't know how to deal with it.

Jax and I aren't together. He moved on, just like I always wanted him to. I did this and I have no-one to blame but myself. He deserves all the happiness in the world, and he doesn't deserve anything but well wishes from me.

A family.

He has a freaking family, Lara.

As Jax heads across the room, numerous boys jump out of his way. The girls are wide-eyed as he passes, but they stay put, clearly hoping he'll still bump into them.

I'm not surprised. He's the oldest guy at the school, his birthday on the 1st of September, a fact that in and of itself makes him drool-worthy to at least half the girls. Jax turns up every day to school in a similar outfit, all the girls fawning over his leather as he pays them no attention, instead finding his way behind the English building to skip class all day.

Within a minute, Jax is back, startling me out of my daydream. My eyes widen at the sight of two plastic shot glasses he's holding.

'Are you crazy?' I exclaim, a slight squeal in my voice.

Jax smirks. 'Are you scared?' He raises an eyebrow, daring me to admit it. I purse my lips, knowing I'm the one who got myself into this. After all, I talked the bad boy into having drinks with me. I could have left him well alone and walked the other way.

Instead, I did this.

Come on, Lara. You've got this.

'Not at all,' I lie, feigning confidence as I take the glass from him. Lifting the cream-coloured liquid to my lips, I throw my head back and let the drink sail down my throat before I can second guess myself. 'Urgh!' I exclaim instantly, wiping at my mouth and grimacing. Jax laughs before tipping his own back. 'What was that?'

'Seriously, Jane? It's Baileys,' he answers with a shrug.

'I hate it.'

'It's a good drink for Christmas.'

'I think I'll stick to my WKDs,' I tell him, shaking my head. He laughs once more and suddenly I'm self-conscious, worrying whether he's amused by me, or at me. It's a sobering thought, and my expression drops slightly as Jax looks towards the front door. What's he even looking for?

A sudden, loud ruckus comes from behind me, and I whirl around as a couple of the girls squeal, the boys pulling them into the ridiculous, indoor snowball fight. I cringe, wondering how Louise is going to clean this before her parents get back in the morning.

'Lara,' Izzy exclaims, popping up in front of me and wrapping her hand around my wrists. 'Come and join us!' She gestures behind her. I smile before shaking my head and opening my mouth to respond, but she's gone. Drunk and giggly, she laughs at Ben, our classmate, as he shoves icy snow down the back of her jumper.

'You should go join in,' the deep voice says from behind me. I jump before looking over my shoulder at Jax. Raising his finger, he points towards my friends.

'Why?'

Jax leans forward until his face is only inches from mine. 'What do you even think you're doing talking to me?' Jax murmurs.

I shrug. I honestly have no idea. Two minutes ago, I was questioning that very thing, wondering if he thinks I'm a joke...

'Getting to know you.'

His eyes darken. 'You don't want to know me, Jane,' Jax answers, his voice thick with intrigue.

'Why not?' I retort, crossing my arms across my red jumper.

Jax frowns, pulling back. 'You can't tell me you haven't heard the rumours.' It's such a blunt response that I should leave right then and there. His blasé attitude is enough to make any girl run, especially if those rumours are true. I don't miss the way his eyes dart briefly towards my relatively hidden chest. And yet, my traitorous heart skips a beat. For some reason, I want his attention, for him to look at me that way. Something inside me warms, and I let my shoulders slump, relaxed in his presence.

I'm an idiot. Especially if the rumours are true...

A lazy smile works its way across my face. 'So?'

'You should stay away,' Jax warns. He's right, I probably should. He's no good for me, that much is clear. It's a dangerous road to venture down. I have no idea who this man is, what his goal is tonight. I'm probably heading for disaster.

But instead, I shake my head and stay where I am.