A3! - A Director's Life (Fanfiction)

~What is love?~

I know it's night now but here's something special for you guys. A little bit of angst I'm sorry. 

What is love you ask? 

~

Hot summer nights, mid-July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child

~ 

It's only been that moment since Tsumugi and the director started dating. They had been so crazy in love, as if they were meant for each other with their names written in the stars. All those sweet words, compliments and constant teasing, those cheerful laughter and acts of affection made his heart that he had seen between them stung painfully every single time. There was nothing he could do, now was there? No matter how hard he had tried, he knew deep down in is empty heart he could never be the one she will truly love. 

Maybe he just was trying a little too hard and she realized it. He was too desperate and also scared with the fact of losing her. But now, he had unfortunately really did. She was and never be truly his. How can it be easy for him to share his feelings with Tsumugi? He liked that guy, he was nice, friendly and helpful. He didn't want to offend the Winter Troupe leader and sure as hell didn't want to come off as rude or selfish so he had to agree with the director's help to talk to Tsumugi and resolve the love triangle. After all, he was still young and maybe the problems of love is still a little too complicated for him to understand. Maybe he shouldn't have been too desperate after all. Everything he'd done, everything he'd said to her, were they all just plain mistakes after all? What did he do? What shouldn't he have done instead? In a love triangle, there would always be the other that will hurt the most in the end. 

He felt drained and utterly broken despite wanting to make way for Tsumugi's feelings but the overall news of what just happened had now just started to overwhelm him and he decided to wear his headphones to mute the frantic voices in his head and distract his shattering heart. He tried to force himself to sleep but something in him snapped and he felt tears stream down his cheeks and he hugged his pillow tightly as his body trembled. Was this what they called heartbreak? Why? Why does it hurt? Was this why Itaru had warned him about when he was confused about his emotions and how he had wanted to avoid being in love as much as possible if he wasn't ready for it. Masumi had figured he understood love and thought he had managed to have a firm grasp of it before it slipped past his fingertips and crumbled him apart. Why is this feeling that's in his heart right now? Why can't he understand himself? It hurts so bad and it's wrecking every single part of him. Choking sobs escaped his lips and he tried to hold them back so he doesn't wake Tsuzuru but his head and his heart hurt and he felt exhausted too so it didn't take him long for him to drift away to sleep. 

At least he still get to see her everyday; that was what comforted him as he slept, clinging onto that ounce of hope like a life source.  Her beautiful features, her laughter, her voice, her words, her sense of humor, her motivation and everything else will still manage to enchant him for the many days to come. Even when morning comes and he can no longer see her the same way anymore, she will always be the best person in the world that had changed his life for the better and gave him a reason to stay in the dorm and pursue acting. No matter how much it hurts and how much it will still hurt, he knew that his heart hurts because he loves her and he still do. 

But he loves her, of course, in a much different way now. 

~

Will you still love me when I'm no longer
Young and beautiful?
Will you still love me when I got nothing
But my achin' soul?
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me
When I'm no longer beautiful?

~

Little did he know, Masumi wasn't the only one heartbroken ever since that night. But then again, no one will be able to comprehend their own feelings when love is a riddle in itself.