Chapter One- Big Sister Katie

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Katie looked at her little brother, she was standing outside his room. Her long brown hair floating behind her, as she looked at him with tired blue eyes. She loved Peter with all her heart, her little four year old brother made living through the bullying easier, but it still wasn’t enough.

She pulled up her long sleeve and looked at the thin scars, each was a battle she fought and each was a battle she lost. A fight against herself and her demons, but this battle had been going on long enough. Ever since she was fifteen she held onto the idea that it was going to get better and now she was seventeen and nothing had changed.

Once again Katie looked at her brothers train themed room, her brother looked like her with dark brown hair, but the only difference was his blue eyes were still bright. He was two when she started to be depressed, her mum telling her to stop being an attention hog, so she stopped telling her what was wrong. He was the only one who get her to smile, a real smile, not one of her fake ones to show the world that she was ‘fine’ even though she felt like crying.

Katie knew tonight was going to be the night, she ran into her room. She remembered painting the walls purple with her dad. Her pale pink pjs, ones she put on to make her parents think she was going to bed. She loved at her dresser and got a notebook, she had been planning this for a week and wanted to make sure that everything was perfect. The notebook was for Peter, and had a picture of a train inside was her nicest writing, a poem, a note and a goodbye.

Going into her brother’s room once more, she put the notebook on his bedside table. Carefully kissing his forehead, his soft tanned skin under her lips. The smile on his face, one she wished she could see when she went, not the words her bullies ribbed her skin apart with. His button nose and round checks, this was an image she wanted to take with her, the image of her sleeping brother, one she would forever hold to her heart and one she imprinted into her memory since he was born.

“I’m sorry,” She whispered knowing that her apology fell on deaf ears, Peter was a deeper sleeper than she was… when she could get to sleep, when her demons weren’t shouting in her ear and the only way to silence them was for them to win, and a knife to go across her skin “I’m going to go know, Peter,”

Tears coming to her eyes as she softly cried, that’s all she’s been doing softly crying, so her baby brother would never find out. She had to be strong for him, but when she was by herself she was weak. If he was awake, she was rethink about what she was going to do, but he was asleep and no one was going to stop her.

Slowly walking to her parent’s room, she glared at the two sleeping figures. It was their fault that she felt so much pain, that she never had anyone to talk to. Her mother was pretty, while her father was handsome, so where did she get her looks sometimes she wonders if she was their daughter at all. They were too busy to see how far she feel, but when she was gone, they’d regret it and make sure that they didn’t do the same to Peter.

Her mind was set and her will was strong, and she felt… happy? She was getting away from her pain, she was never going to be hurt again. She was going to fly with the birds and sing there soft words. The poem that she had written Peter came to mind and she wanted to say it one last time.

“Baby brother don’t be scared, I’m just gone, a rope around my neck,” Katie softly whispered as she dragged a chair to the middle of her room, everything was clean and put away “Baby brother stay out, I don’t want you find me,”

Katie knew only her parents had the key to the lock on her bedroom door, she was making sure that Peter didn’t find her, she locked the door like she was locking her heart “Baby brother I love, it’s myself I hate. Baby brother don’t worry, I’m watching you from above,”

As she softly whispered her brothers poem she looked at the moon, and then at her mirror. One she broke weeks ago, the cracks reminding her of her broken soul.  

“Baby brother please smile, we’ll meet again, hopefully when you’re old and grey,” She looked at her dresser and at the camera, she wanted to say goodbye “Baby brother you’re just too young, to understand what went wrong,” 

Katie got the rope from the bottom door of her dresser, the cool wood felt nice against her fingers. She didn’t know why she was dragging this one, maybe she wanted someone to stop her.

“Baby brother please forgive me, for taking my last breathe. Baby brother please live, don’t let your demons in, don’t let society win,” she remembered all the words they told her, telling her to kill herself and that no one will miss her when she’s gone “Baby brother stay strong, believe in yourself,”

Katie looked at the black chair and the rope hanging above it, she turned on the camera, pausing in her light whispering, the house was quiet, the camera will pick up her voice. She stood on the chair and looked at the moon once more, before looking at the camera.

“Baby brother good bye, but I’m a disaster, who can’t handle life. Baby brother see you later, please have a great life, filled with smiles and laughter,” Katie said, tears coming down her checks, two more lines and she will be now more, just a stain in some people’s lives “Baby brother don’t end up like me, six feet under,” 

A smile appeared on her face and she stepped of her chair, the rope snapping around her neck, stealing her life away from her.

Her long brown hair was flowing around her, a smile on her red lips and tears going down her pale face, she was underweight, but wore baggy clothes to hide it.

Her tried blues were empty, staring into the camera. She had a note in her pocket, one that she wrote before she went to see her brother one last time.

His smiling face was the last thing she saw and the thought ‘I’m sorry’ before she died, before she stopped breathing and her heart stopped.

Now she just hang there, her door locked, hoping her parents were the one who found her and not her brother.

Katie Mary White was only seventeen, she had fought her battle for two years, but in the end her demons won and now she was gone, a rope around her neck.


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