𝐍𝐄𝐖 𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍 | 𝐃.𝐌

Chapter Thirteen: Time to Cry

[MATURE WARNING: SELF HARM, PANIC ATTACK]

I pick up the pin and hold it up, tears streaming down my face. "Moon." Draco mutters. I hide the pin and look over to him. He looked like a mess. His hair was all messed up and his shirt was untucked. He walked up to me and held me in his arms. He didn't say anything, but he cared.

At least I thought so.

I pushed him away softly, shaking my head. "Where were you? Why didn't you visit me?" I whisper with tears in my eyes.

He looks away embarrassed or ashamed, I couldn't tell. "I was with someone." He mumbled. I start coughing again and get the water next to me. I drink all of it and pull out my wand. "Aquamenti." I mutter. I didn't need to respond to him. I knew who he was with.

Katherine.

"So I'm guessing you don't want to be with me. That's great, now you can fuck her all you want." I said in a raspy voice.

"When you're healed you can come back to my room. Maybe you could learn to listen to me next time." He spat, turning around to walk out. "I get out tomorrow, maybe then you'll want me." I say laying back down. The tears in my eyes only growing larger.

Without a word, he left. Not even turning back to me.

I spent the rest of the night crying until my cheeks turned dry. That's when I finally fell asleep.

—

The next day I was released from the hospital wing. I still was coughing throughout the day but there wasn't much we could do about that. We didn't have any classes today which meant we were free to do whatever we wanted. There wasn't anything I really wanted to do.

I tried to sit with Hermione and Ron during breakfast, but they seemed to be uncomfortable with my presence. I thought they knew by now that I'm not mean but I guess I was wrong. There wasn't much conversation besides their questions about the fire. I didn't mind it, it was nice that they cared. I just felt like getting my mind off of it.

My face has been red for the past few hours that I've been awake. I changed in the hospital wing and kept my trunk under the bed. I don't even know how it got there but it was.

I'm sitting on the grass in the courtyard reading a book as it starts to rain. I swing my necklace back and forth as I get deeper into my book.

"We need to talk."

I look up and see Victoria standing there. She's shifting around uncomfortably and decides to sit down next to me. "You've been distant from us today. What's going on?" She asks.

"I was just in a fire." I snap, standing up from my position. She stands up next to me in defense. "Moon, I didn't mean it like that. I just was wondering why you didn't come to us afterwards."

Her words hurt me. Why would I go to them if they didn't visit me to see if I was ok? Rain starts to trickle down from the sky and I wipe my face. "You didn't even visit me." I mutter walking away from her, not caring if she said anything else.

I didn't know where I was going, I just had to leave.

I held in my tears as I ran to the hospital wing. I grabbed the pin and placed it in my pocket.

I ran to the astronomy tower in tears. The rain falling softer as the air grew colder. I broke down onto the floor and cry. My hands were in my lap as I was kneeled on the floor.

I grab the pin from my pocket and lift up my thigh. I let out pained cries as I scratched my legs. The pin cut deep enough for me to bleed. I cry even more, my tears smearing the blood on my legs.

I hated this life.

Draco was with someone else.

My friends have grown apart from me.

None of them came to visit.

No one cared.

I had never hurt myself before. Not in this way. Though in this moment, I was turning my emotional pain into physical pain. I didn't know what to do. I needed help.

I wipe my old tears from my face, smearing the leftover ash onto my hands. I start to hyperventilate as more and more tears fall down. I try to stand, but I fall over again. "I can't do this." I whimper. I look outside to see snow falling. It was december so it wasn't that surprising but it made me feel more calm.

I look and see a cloth on top of a box. I slowly get up and carefully walk over to it. I grab the cloth and wipe my legs with it. I walk over to the edge of the tower, still hyperventilating and drop the cloth off of the tower. I sit down with my legs hanging off the side. I look out and start to breakdown again.

"What did I do?" I scream. I pull up my sleeve. I grab the pin and still sobbing, I cut myself a few more times, only this time it's on my arm.

I was falling apart.

I was shaking.

I should've died in that fire.

Before I'm about to cut myself again I hear someone. "Moon. What the hell are you doing?" Draco asks, standing on the stairs. I quickly cover my legs and pull my sleeve down. "Nothing, I'm just looking out here." I lie as I sniffle a little bit. I take deep breaths hoping he wouldn't notice.He walks over to me slowly.

"Bullshit. Show me your arm." He spat, pulling up my sleeve aggressively. He sees the blood and stares at me. His face was full of regret. I went silent, I didn't know what to do.

He knew.

"You need to stop." He said softly. I shake my head as warm tears slowly fall down my face. "I did more." I cry out, pulling up my skirt revealing all of the blood and cuts. He held onto my hand.

"I'm sorry, this is all my fault. I shouldn't be here." He muttered starting to walk away.

"Please don't leave me." I beg for him. More tears falling down my face as I shake my head.

"I don't have a choice. I need to go. The only reason why you did this is because of me. You cut yourself because of me. All because you think I slept with Pansy." He muttered. I felt my body start to tremble. "You slept with Pansy?" I ask in disbelief, my voice shakes as I can barely talk.

I look at him with a numb face. I didn't feel anything anymore.

And it was all his fault.

"No, I only kissed her. That's all that happened." He explains. I still didn't believe him. Even if he didn't have sex with Pansy, he still kissed her. That meant that he chose her. Being with her meant not being with me. That was probably all he wanted. Just to be with her.

"You still chose her." I mutter softly. "You don't want me. You know, it is perfectly fine. I can manage hating you."

He didn't even respond. His eyes fill up with tears and he clenched his fist. Without a word, he leaves. Once again.

For the rest of the night, I didn't cry.

I didn't feel. I couldn't feel. And I just wanted to feel something in that moment. It didn't matter what it was.

Anything.