Chapter Twenty-One

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When she left me, I felt myself deflate. This past week had given me so much hope. It made me think I might just get the family I wanted. Fat chance of that happening now. I was more likely to shoot him now.

I threw the duffle bag out of my window, not even caring that I had shoved his laptop in that bag. It landed in the snow with a solid, satisfying thud. I took the bedding off of my bed then shoved that out the window too, even the pillows followed out the window.

When Nikki came into my room holding another bag, I was sitting on my bare mattress feeling my babies move.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I slowly looked at her and nodded. "Yeah. Everything was going great. We were getting along. We weren't fighting. I was even getting used to him sleeping next to me." I wiped away a couple escaping tears. "He's just a selfish asshole. Right now he'll be lucky if I let him be there when the babies are born."

She sighed and left the bag by the door. She sat down in front of me and put her hands over mine.

"It will be okay Em," she said comfortingly. "Mikko is a fool. When he hurts you, he hurts his kids."

I shook my head. "He doesn't care. This is all an obligation to him. He doesn't want this." I wiped my face again. "Bringing that skinny whore here and screwing her on my bed was a slap in my face."

She sighed. "Maybe it was just his dick thinking."

"No," I said regretfully, "I slept with him yesterday." She gave me a look and I shrugged sheepishly. "It makes me feel less neurotic."

Nikki nodded. "You were starting to fall for him, weren't you?"

I looked down at my growing belly and regretfully nodded. "And that made me look like the fool I am."

Nikki shook her head and grabbed my face, making me look at her. "You're not a fool Emily. He is the fool. He led you on then threw it in your face. He disrespected you in your own home, where you're supposed to feel the safest. He knew what he was doing. He could've taken her to a hotel, but he didn't. He threw it in your face and will use the fact that you're not in a relationship as a shield for his actions."

"I should've been stronger. I gave into a fantasy where I could have a loving husband and happy kids." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I won't let that happen again. I can't give him the leverages to let him hurt me so easily. He's just the asshole who knocked me up. Nothing more."

When I looked at Nikki, I knew she was just as sad for me as I was. She knew I was giving up on the dream I had since before my mother died. "You know I'm here for you?" I nodded and felt tears collecting. "You know I love you."

I blinked and felt the tears fall. "This isn't fair." I started crying. "What did I do to deserve this Nikki?"

She scooted closer to me and pulled me into a hug. "You didn't do anything to deserve this. This is just a temporary problem. Everything will settle down eventually."

"Eventually." I hiccupped and took added breath. "I need a bath."

Nikki nodded. "I'll go start the water. You lie down and rest for a bit."

I leaned back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He had to have done this intentionally. He wanted me to get mad with him. He wanted me to know that I was replaceable. He wanted me to know that I would never have the life that I dreamed of with him.

Message received loud and clear. I thought to myself.

"It's warm." Nikki shouted over the sound of the running bathwater. "Do you want bubbles?"

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