Falling // Wolfstar

Forty One

Remus awakes in the middle of the night from his fitful sleep. His face is cold to the touch and paled like a ghost. He slips out of bed as quiet as a mouse and finds himself wrapping himself with his robe. Something is calling him. He knows he has to follow it.

Remus wanders in the darkness with his wand at his side. The castle is dead asleep at this hour.

His slippers shuffle along the floor lazily as he turns down a corridor. A corridor he's found himself in so many times - yet he still can't remember.

A figure is off in the distance. Remus rubs the sleep from his eyes and squints to get a better view. As he draws closer, the figure becomes apparent. It's James - a young James. He's fifteen. It's fifth year.

The closer Remus draws in, the more clearly he could see the horror in James' face. He was paler than Remus' complexion, though his cheeks were beginning to burn rapidly, eyes nearly falling out of their sockets, and his hands trembling uncontrollably.

"James?" Remus calls out.

James snaps out of his reverie, shocked to see Remus standing before him. "Remus - I was looking for you!"

Remus stares at the door James had just slammed shut. But he doesn't move to open it. He never was supposed to open it. That's not how the memory goes.

Remus waits a beat, letting the memory play out.  James speaks as if Remus had replied. "I came back early to keep you company. Come on, let's go play a game of chess." His hands grasp Remus' shoulders, spinning the boy around and ushering him in the direction of the tower.

Remus allows himself to be guided along by James, being pulled far away from the door that taunted him.

"Me?" James' voice cracks. Another pause. "Nothing. Just Peeves messing with me."

Remus takes a seat by the window across from James in the common room. The raven haired boy is setting up chess pieces, but he's irritable. His usual competitiveness is long gone, and he looks rather bored. Remus plays along with James and waits for the memory to continue.

"I was walking to the Hospital Wing. It's your turn to move." His hazel eyes flicker up at Remus, the glare from the sun hitting his glasses. "It's Abigail," he states.

Remus heart drops. He needed to hear it. He needed to know.

"I thought so, too." James wets his lips briefly, leaning on his elbows to get closer, speaking with a barely audible whisper. "Remus, she was with another guy. I know you don't want to hear it, but she was with Andrew Hopkins. They were having sex in the broom cupboard."

Remus stands up abruptly, sending his chair flying back. He storms out of the portrait running into the blonde haired vixen. Her face is young, lively, with piercing electric blue eyes that widen when she sees him.

Abigail glowers, "Who told you this?" Remus waits patiently."You believe somebody over me?" Her tiny hands grip his biceps and a fresh waterfall pours from her eyes. Clinging to him tightly, she buries her face in his chest. "Remus I'm sorry!" she cries. "I promise that I didn't mean it! It was meaningless -"

The world around Remus fades to nothing like ink in water. It's like a movie flashing before his eyes. The swirls of black start shifting, into shapes - figures - people. Remus is caught in the heart of it all. He's standing in a broom cupboard with Sirius. It's dark and musty and smells of wet dog. His foot is in a bucket. Sirius breaks the gap between them and they share a kiss. Their first kiss.

He's lying in the dorm now, staring at the ceiling he's stared at since he was eleven. The black ink is dark as night and suddenly Sirius is beside him. He's scared - just woken from a nightmare. His parents. He shakes from the distant touch of cruelty and pain. They lay together.

Remus blinks his eyes and they're in the Room of Requirement. He doesn't need a calendar to know it's Sunday. He lays on top of Sirius with his arms crossed over the boy's chest. This is what's so great about kissing. The couch flips over and they're at the Three Broomsticks. The massive bed they shared on the first night they snuck through the passage. Heat rises to his cheeks as Sirius' hands run over his body.

The darkness swallows him whole and he is plummeted into the Great Hall. Students appear around him eating breakfast. Abigail is standing in front of him. He looks in his hand. Black soot coats his fingers and the remains of his most precious book crumble to nothing. She burned his book after their fight. Before he knows it, they're kissing. Her lipgloss coats his lips as they tear at each other. He lost his virginity to her.

Remus turns his head and instantly is brought to the Whomping Willow. His friends are scattered about the ground. The accident.

Remus falls onto the ground, his head spinning with flashing bits of his past. The coldness of the snow pillows around his head, steadying him. Abigail. The spell. His parents. Sirius. His eyes are fixated on the clouds above him. The sky never looked so blue before. The memories fall like snowflakes. Each one landing on him like pieces to a puzzle. The Potter's lake house. The book club. Davy. Sirius, again. They're fighting in the dorm. The bludger.

His eyes shut as the pounding in his head is too much to handle, and he's lulled back to a deep sleep.

*

*

*

Morning comes too soon. The sun pokes over the bare branches of the Forbidden Forest and wakes the world with its golden glow. Remus awakes in his bed wearing his robe and slippers still. He sits up cautiously. The pain in his head ceases to exist. Was it all a dream?

James is fast asleep in his bed, sprawled out with parchment surrounding him. Late night Head Boy duties. James is Head Boy. That was right. Remus presses his hand to his chest, feeling the cold metal of his S necklace; the perfect match to Sirius' R ring. They'd gotten them at the beginning of summer, he remembers. Peter is snoring in his bed - the sound all too familiar. He's going to propose to Mary when they graduate, he remembers.

Joy spreads through every bone in his body. He remembers.

"GUYS!" Remus shouts, leaping out of bed. Lazy heads poke up from their beds - hair awry and eyes barely open. "Wake up - wake up!"

"Is Santa here?" Peter asks groggily.

"I'll have blueberry pancakes with sausage and toast," James recites as he dozes peacefully back to sleep.

Remus rolls his eyes and picks up the dirty laundry on the floor. The dorm was never as clean as the first day back. He chucks the clothes at the boys playfully until they're all awake in a mass fight of dirty laundry.

"Okay we're awake!" Sirius exclaims, swiping James' dirty socks from his shoulder. "What is it?"

"You," Remus points to Peter. "You gave Mary a candle for her birthday last year and your first date was at the Gryffindor quidditch game." He turns to James excitedly. "You're tired of meaningless sex!"

James breaks into a fit of coughs at the outrageous accusation. But the words had been spoken from his lips one drunken night in the Room of Requirement long ago.

"Wait-" Sirius says, his mind racking over every word spewing from Remus' mouth. "You remember?"

Remus nods excitedly. "I remember," he repeats.

James leaps from his bed wearing nothing but boxers. "He remembers!" he shouts.

The three boys surround Remus, jumping up and down with glee and chants that "he remembers." The joyous celebration is taken all the way to the Great Hall once they're dressed in their uniforms. They parade through the corridors like children on Christmas morning and feast on pancakes with mountains of whipped cream on top.