sent {krii7y} ✓

xv

~*~ s m i i 7 y ~*~

okay, so maybe kicking him out was a bit of an extreme, but i got nervous and got uncomfortable. there's nothing wrong with getting a little fucked up in the head when you just got brain from a dude when you aren't even gay. well, maybe not gay, but at this point, it's obvious that i'm not completely straight.

i'm sure that, whatever the hell we had, was obliterated. there was no way he would ever speak to me again, whatever it was is now over, dead, six feet under, buried. i shouldn't even try to fix it.

but i felt so wrong leaving it the way it was.

~*~

okay, so maybe my plan what completely psychotic and would make me seem insane, but after john completely ignored me at school, i could think of nothing else that would work.

my hand was shaking as i lifted my arm up to the metal door. i made three quick knocks on it but immediately dropped my hand, my stomach falling with it. i felt like i was going to throw up at any second.

this was a terrible idea.

the door creaked open to show john looking rather comfortable in a messy bun, sweatpants and a hoodie. i would be lying if i said he didn't look good. he locked eyes with me, his growing wide.

"can i please explain?" i whispered. john just stood in the doorway, and whether his stillness and silence was from shock or agreement, i took it as a chance to talk to him regardless. "i know i messed up, don't think you did anything. i... fuck man."

"spit it out or i'm closing the door on you," john mumbled not too confidently.

"right, yeah. well, i got scared. i wanted to do that stuff, that's why we did, but i never... i never did that stuff with anyone before... and i just freaked out, i don't know what else i can sa-" my words were cut short as i heard a slamming of the door.

right.

~*~

i didn't understand what i said wrong. i didn't say anything wrong that i know of. all i wanted to do was apologize for kicking him out. it's not like he had to walk home in the rain or anything. i live five minutes from the school where his car was, it couldn't have been that bad.

as much as i didn't want it to matter, i just felt like it did. i didn't like seeing him so angry or upset with me. he avoided me at school, but i did the same thing just yesterday, so i can't give him too much shit for it.

i sat on my couch watching a random show on the tv as i played a game on my phone. i haven't had much to do since bethany and i broke up and i cut off craig. tyler is still indifferent about the craig situation, so he doesn't want to hang out either. my parents are on a business trip and i haven't been in the mood to go do anything in public.

the doorbell rang through the house, quiet, but audible. i sighed as i stood up, but i truly had no idea who it could be. i opened the door and could feel my eyes get wide.

john.

why is john here? it is just our thing now? to show up on each other's doorstep uninvited?

"um, hi?" i questioned as i stared at him.

before anything processed, john's lips were on mine and his hands were on the sides of my face. as much as i wanted to pull away, which, let's be honest, wasn't much, i let myself melt into his kiss. the feeling was warm, almost new, even though we had shared many kisses prior to it.

"wow," i choked out. "um, what are you doing here?"

"that was all," john mumbled, taking a step back.

he put his hand on the doorknob and started to pull the door closed toward him. just as the door was about to shut, i grabbed the other side of the handle and pulled it back inside, causing john to stumble a bit. he dropped his hand and simply looked at me.

"what?" he whispered, his face slightly pink and his voice full of innocence.

"i... come inside," i mumbled, sidestepping from the doorway. he hesitated before slowly taking a step over the entry way and closed the door behind him. "i'm so sorry," i whispered desperately.

"i don't wanna talk about it right now," john replied, walking over to the couch. "why are you watching property brothers?"

i chuckled and looked down at the floor with a smile. of course. i looked back to john gently smiling at me. i missed his smile. it wasn't gone long, but it felt so wrong seeing it upside-down.

i walked over to him and stood a little closer than an average person probably would to someone. i looked down to his hands and slid mine into his. i settled my view back onto his face, seeing his cheeks turn a slight pink shade.

"why are you so soft around me and no one else?" john asked, looking away from my gaze.

"you're different," i said simply. i let go of one of his hands and wrapped my arm around his shoulder, pulling him into me.

different was the only way i could think to describe it. it was technically true, john is so much different than everyone else, but i don't know why.