(Dzzahn) the dating show for the very recently bereaved

19 4 9

Dzzahn feels something pulse in his hand, begging for his attention. He looks down and sees a screen in his hand. He's been holding it this whole time. He didn't notice it. It just felt like part of him.

Dzzahn raises the screen and points it at each of his roommates in turn.

Head Bandage Guy is Bi11IAM, 52K followers, currently on medical leave from ServiTude. Aspiring advice columnist

Pink Eyebrows is BizznixxLady, 58k followers, here at MEDSKOOL for severe dehydration. Does really sped-up versions of popular dances.

The nurse is LYNNNYE.__., 81k followers. Graduate of Eternal High. Created the Fuck My Heart challenge and is on a 385 day streak of enjoying Pharmavibe posturepedic smoothies.

And, apparently, under all the blankets and trash on the bed next to his, is: PersonwhoLiKeSlikesclouds, 92k, teacher at High/Low who was injured during the season finale and is currently in a full body cast with a 43% chance of recovery.

He also has messages from Conceptuality, saying his new couch has been delivered to his suite at Aubrey Plaza, and from Awarebiary, offering him free unlimited access to the new VJ sluffyskin video if he uses code BizznixxLadySUCKS to order a vitamylk dermal patch without extra metabolic discovery.

Dzzahn: This isn't my screen. How did I get this.

Bi11IAM: Oh no he's got mental problems.

BizznixxLady: He's coding STAT!

LYNNNYE.__.: He's not coding he's just disoriented.

BizznixxLady: He's got False Screen Awareness, which is a real thing that I've read about.

Bi11IAM: No you're thinking of Delayed Screen Anticipation.


LYNNNYE.__. [applies a patch to Dzzahn's arm].

Dzzahn: What what's that I don't want that.

LYNNNYE.__.: It's just a hyaluronic maquis, a gentle mood protectorant.

BizznixxLady: Actually I need one too.

Bi11IAM: Yeah you do.

LYNNNYE.__.: Dzzahn sweetie just calm down you'e been through a traumatic situation.

BizznixxLady: Yeah go easy on yourself, I mean your girlfriend died like right in front of you what do you expect.

Dzzahn: She what?

Bi11IAM [to BizznixxLady]: I mean maybe break it to him gently?

BizznixxLady: Sorry to not tiptoe around the horrible truth that we're all aware of, but Dzzahn the sooner you accept reality the healthier it will be for your personal growth. Basically Alikatase and Conspirasan teamed up to create anarchy at the Qynkazel wedding in order to shed light on the wide-scale ejaculation conspiracy but the virus they created went out of control and Qannen died, along with ironically Alikatase and a bunch of other guests who were just trying to vibe, it was a whole horrific thing that has affected me personally in a number of unexpected ways, including my ability to-

BizznixxLady keeps talking, offering her insights into various developing theories behind the disaster at the wedding, but Dzzahn isn't listening. He instinctively looks at his screen for confirmation. What she's saying can't be true, but it is: Qannen is dead. The news is everywhere and people are freaking out, posting long, sorrowful video complications of their favorite scenes from her life. Brands are being in mourning by offering the code QANNEN4EVER as a discount on some of their most popular products. He's getting all kinds of messages of condolence from people he doesn't even know. His screen is suggesting articles and think-pieces about her death and what it means and how the city can evolve from this shared experience. Brands are all offering deeply personal reflections on how Qannen influenced their growth and development and outlook on life.

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