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Field Journal Exerpt

Human Anthropological Study

Human Female Perspective

35/12/8745: My preparations are nearly complete. I have been studying both contemporary and historical Earth literature, with a particular focus on publications specifically directed toward the female of the human species, known as "women." I have also reviewed their popular electronic plays, both dramatic and comedic. I believe I now have a reasonable knowledge of women's goals and expectations in life.

I have studied human speech patterns, with a particular focus on conversational idioms. Instead of speaking concisely as we do, humans like to interject exclamations into their speech to express surprise or apprehension. Some examples include, "Oh my," "Jeez," and "Holy crap." I have been practicing inserting these meaningless interjections into my daily speech.

My final task before Earthfall is most unpleasant. I must take on the appearance of a human woman. Instead of proud antennae, I will have a mass of unmanageable mammalian hair atop my head. Instead of a large and robust physique, I must be small, pale, and frail. The straight simple lines of my body will be corrupted by correctly placed human female curves. My small clever eyes will be replaced by large childish ones. I do not know how I will be able to look into a mirror while on Earth without feeling disappointment.

38/12/8745: My assimilation into Earth culture is complete. All cases of retcon have been successful. My human companion, called "Kate" now believes that we have been friends for years. Human parents have been acquired. Only a few small details remain, such as signing up for an electronic communication ("email") account.

Kate often asks about my well-being or my daily plans. At first I was offended and annoyed by her obvious rudeness, but I have since learned that these questions are considered normal and even polite in human society. It will be difficult to maintain my composure while feeling constantly interrogated but it is all part of the research process.

39/12/8745: During my research, I discovered that not only do humans have religion, they have more than one. I had hoped that once I arrived here, it would become clear which is the main, or dominant religion, but there seems to be no clear consensus. Some people believe in external deities and some believe that the wisdom of their deity comes from within themselves, a sort of "inner goddess." Not having the time to learn the rules and restrictions of every religion, and in the hope of not offending the people I interact with, I have decided to subscribe to the religion of the inner goddess.

There is also an ardent belief in the sciences, and the practice of psychology. Their psychological theory includes the existence of another kind of inner voice, that of the "subconscious." In the interest of balance, I will endeavor to listen to both my "inner goddess" and my "subconscious" while I am here.

40/12/8745: I have discovered that my roommate has been assigned to interview a male who is considered very important in their society. This is an excellent opportunity to interact with the kind of male that is considered desirable for mating (one who is wealthy and young). Perhaps he will be able to offer me practical instruction in the techniques of human reproduction. I will surreptitiously infect Kate with a minor virus and go in her place. I must practice my locomotive skills before the interview as I am still prone to falling over while walking in the bipedal human style.

To be Continued...
An Anthropological Study of Human Romance (inspired by 50 Shades of Grey)
Last updated: Jan 26, 2015
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