Light of Mine (RusAme)

Chapter 28

Ame's P.O.V (one week later) (Slight mention of homophobia)

3/3/24

Dear diary, 

Hey, it's me again. 

I know that I have been writing way too much lately, but I need somewhere to collect my thoughts. 

Is this about Russia again? Yes, yes it is. But, it's also about my worries over how the states are doing.

I'll talk about the states for now. 

I've called them every day for the past week, some times multiple times throughout the day. Yet, nothing. Absolutely nothing. No answers, no calls, and no messages. 

No nothing.

I'm worried sick over what could've happened to them, but I can't leave and go check on them since, one, I'm in a different country, and two, that would automatically make me a suspect in all of the world's eyes. 

I wouldn't usually care about that, because it would only affect a few countries. However, now was not a great time to make a suspect out of myself. Heck! I was told by UN that he would be keeping an eye on me and some others, so I'm technically already underlined. 

But, the thing is, I couldn't get away from here even if I desperately needed to. Their security is too strong on the outside, and I have no clue where I am located. I mean, I know that the building is in France, but that could be anywhere. 

So, there's really no escape from this metaphorical prison. 

Anyways, I'll definitely keep calling and if it gets bad enough I will demand to go see my states, because I'm a worried parent and those are my kids. Even if they're adopted. 

Now, onto the Slav in the room. 

And by Slav, I mean someone who I used to hate, who got roomed with me, who turned out to have a really caring, cute, and compassionate side to him, and now I like him and I don't know what to do. 

Over the past week, as I've mentioned in past entries, I've tried to bring up a relationship with him. Not of us, no, that would be direct. But of others. 

I've asked him if any of his siblings were in a good relationship. He grumbled out Estonia and Armenia, who each had boyfriends. He liked Syria, but he had a rough patch with Finland, which made him skeptical of how caring he could be towards Estonia.

The next day, I brought up Spain's and Portugal's worsening relations. If I'm being honest, I don't think they'll last much longer. He agreed with me on that and commented how they weren't right for each other. 

I kept bringing up couples for the rest of the week, whether they be in a bad situation or not. 

But, yesterday night when I finally brought up Germany and Poland, the tension in the room skyrocketed. Then he mumbled something along the lines of "Oh...right. I forgot you were friends with those demons."

I've had serious doubts since then. 

I mean, I know that he finds that type of relationship that they have devilish, so why would he be looking to engage in something he finds disgusting? He wouldn't.  

But should I just ignore this? I haven't felt even remotely this way since my little fling with Mexico, so should I bottle up my feelings just because I'm unsure?