sent {krii7y} ✓

xi

~*~ s m i i 7 y ~*~

does he actually believe what he is saying? there's no way in hell we would ever fuck, he's insane. what happened before wasn't us almost fucking... was it? no, obviously not. we were just caught up in the moment, there is no reason we would ever go through with it. but why was there a moment to begin with?

"lucas? helloooo?" tyler strung out, waving his hand in front of my face. "you still like, alive?"

"what?" i mumbled, blinking a few times. craig was snickering next to him and tyler looked genuinely concerned.

"what the fuck, man? you have been staring at the back wall for five minutes now. not get enough sleep last night?" tyler asked quietly, setting his hand down on the grey lunch table.

"no man, he was getting his brains fucked out from that little faggot," craig cackled, throwing his head back. when no one else joined him, his face dropped. "what? we suddenly love that kryoz now? can't make fun of him?"

"it just wasn't funny," tyler mumbled, poking at his meatloaf.

"and i hate it when you use the f slur, you know that," bethany replied. she took a forkful of salad and brought it to her mouth.

"you guys are so boring! you were so much less uptight before this whole john situation made you two break up," craig scoffed, taking a swig of his milk carton.

"shut the fuck up, craig. you have no idea what happened between us," beth shot back. "you want to make everything a fucking joke but it's just to cover up your raging homophobia."

tyler's eyes went wide as he looked away. craig's forehead crinkled and his balled up fists turned white as they sat on top of the table.

"you're lucky you're a girl or i would pimp slap the shit out of you right now," he growled through gritted teeth.

"woah, you better fucking leave right now. you never threaten bethany again or so help me god, you will be shot into next century, got it?" i seethed.

craig scoffed once again before grabbing his tray and leaving. the rest of the lunch period was silent. each of us were too scared to say anything. we all just lost a friend of years. that's hard to just banter through.

once the bell had finally rang, it was time for biology, which is the class i had with john, who i also wanted to avoid. joyous day.

i sat in the back of the room and had no plans of paying attention at all. i needed time to think. to think about john. what the fuck are we? i have no idea where to go from here. i left without saying anything, confirmation or denial. do we keep talking? now that craig is out of the picture, can i be friends with john with less fear? do i even want to be his friend?

"can i sit here?" john whispered. john. i looked up at him, his eyes looked slightly red. "there's no other seats..."

i quickly grabbed my bag off the seat next to me and tossed it onto the floor with a sarcastic grin. john hesitated as he sat down. his head immediately fell into his arms and he just laid there. is he okay?

"um... are you-"

"i'm fine," he interrupted, his voice cracking.

i sat up straighter and cleared my throat before respectfully looking away. i changed my mind and tried focusing on the lecture, but as soon as i heard john sniffle, my heart dropped. what do i do?

i slowly moved my hand his direction and set it on his lower thigh. he flinched but settled back down after a moment. i twisted myself so i was facing him and slid my hand up slightly higher to a comfortable position for myself and proceeded to rub circles on the denim pants with my thumb, creating a warm spot. i continued with the motion for a few minutes before just resting my hand on his upper thigh.

"better?" i whispered. he simply nodded. "good." i felt my lips slowly upturn as i looked at him, but i quickly stopped myself.

i watched as john shifted his head into his left elbow and pulled his right arm away. it dropped to his side before his hand slowly made contact with mine. it rested on top of my hand and was warm from being under his head for so long. he pushed his fingers between mine and sniffled again, slightly louder than before. it hurt me to see him like this, i don't like it. what could be making him this upset? not me, i hope.

a quiet, choked sob escaped his lips. i pulled my hand away from his and brought it to his back and began to slowly run my fingertips on it. he lifted his head slightly and looked over to me, and it broke me to see him. his eyes were bright pink and strained and under them was puffy. the tears that ran down his face stained his cheeks pink and almost red.

he rotated himself in his chair so he faced me before he pulled me into a hug, letting out another choked sob, loud enough for the class to hear.

"something wrong, mr. kryoz?" mr. winslow asked. "mr. smith?"

"i uh... i don't know what's wrong," i mumbled. "can i please go walk with him to the bathroom or something?" i heard a few giggles from people in the class.

"yes, but i don't want to see this again, got it?" he threatened as we stood up. i simply nodded.

john hid his face, so i grabbed his arm and started almost dragging him down the hallway. he let out another cry as we reached the bathroom. he immediately dropped to the floor and audibly sobbed.

"john i..." i whispered, looking down to him. he looked up for a brief moment, but it was long enough for me to notice that his left eye looked like it was starting to bruise. "no..." i whispered. i dropped down to the floor and ran my fingers through his hair to try to get him to look at me, but it didn't work. "john, look at me please." he shook his head as he sniffled. "johnathan."

that time, he looked up and held his head there. i put my hand on his right cheek as i inspected his eye. it looked pretty bad, and it was only just forming. i didn't even notice it at the start of class.

"john..." i whispered. "who..." craig. it had to be. "it was craig, wasn't it?" he nodded once before dropping his head again. "hey, come on now. stand up for me, okay?"

slowly, but surely, i got him to stand up with me and i immediately pulled him into a hug. i felt my shoulder getting wet, but i didn't care. after he sounded calmer, i pulled away and looked into his eyes. i wiped away the tears, especially careful around his left side, and kissed his forehead. he slightly smiled before looking down.

"thank you," he whispered, his voice cracking.

i tilted his chin up with my thumb so our eyes locked and i slowly pulled him into a kiss. it may not have been the first, but it felt like the most intimate kiss i ever had. i pulled away and his smile lit up my face, causing me to give one in return. i'm starting to think he's pretty okay.