Momma's Little Soldier

Chapter 28

The walk back to Eric's place was long and neither of us spoke, does he regret kissing me? I know I don't regret kissing him. I could tell he was still embarrassed by what Max said since he hasn't looked in my general direction. When we got to his apartment, a yawn escaped my mouth as we made our way to his room, I sat down on the edge of his bed. "You should probably get some sleep, don't want you to be tired for tomorrow." I nodded my head as I watched him continue to avoid eye contact. He does regret it, doesn't he? Or maybe he just doesn't know how to act around me know that I know what great lengths he has gone for me, as he was about to leave I felt this sudden urge inside me, "Eric wait." He stopped and turned back around. Oh crap, I didn't think about what I wanted him to do, I don't even know why I stopped him in the first. My eyes glanced at sheets for a moment before I looked back up at him, "Can you stay in here tonight? This is your room after all and I just... I just don't want to be alone." The sudden interest appeared on his face before he nodded his head. "Just let me do a couple of things, okay?"

He walked into his room and went through one of his drawers, pulling out something to sleep in. I was about to get under the covers when I watched as he placed a black t-shirt next to me, a smile tugging at my lips, I grabbed it and changed into it once Eric had left the room. Once again the shirt hung past my knees and I was hit with that cedarwood and lavender smell, safety was all I could think of. By the time I got comfortable under the sheets, Eric had walked in wearing black pajama pants and a dark grey shirt, for once I am seeing him in a shirt that isn't clinging to his muscles and I've got to say, I'm a little disappointed. When he climbed into the bed, he turned off the bedside lamp and laid down on his back, the silence between us wasn't awkward, but it definitely wasn't comfortable either, I turned onto my side that was facing him and closed my eyes, just wanting to get the nightmares done and over with. "When we found you that night, I didn't know what to do, I kept trying to convince myself that it wasn't you so I wouldn't freak out, but nothing was working. I wouldn't let you go because I was afraid that if I did, I would lose you." This is the first time he opened up to me about something like this, I actually have this effect on him? I opened my eyes and looked up at him, with the moonlight shining from the window his features seemed to be softer, he doesn't have that usual menacing look on his face and it almost made him look peaceful, it's a nice look on him. "When you asked me this morning if I had been getting sleep, I haven't. After that first nightmare, I didn't sleep the past couple of nights just in case I needed to be with you to help calm you down." That would explain the dark circles I noticed.

I moved one of my hands until they found his, holding it and lacing our fingers together, I felt his thumb draw small patterns on the back of my hand. We laid there in silence for a while and now I didn't mind it since the silence didn't feel uncomfortable anymore, I was happy about the fact he was opening up to me, I guess now would be the right time to open up to him, "I'm scared I got myself into a hole that I can't get out of... I'm scared that once this is all over I won't know how to be myself again. I need help." Those three words I didn't want to admit, I didn't want to speak, but I mean them. When I got here I told myself to not cry and to deal with whatever is in front of me like a soldier, but that's not how it works. After this week I realized that opening up and being vulnerable isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It's the people that see you as someone who is broke are the weak ones, not the other way around, Eric pulled me to him so my head was laying on his chest and our legs were tangled together. He gently moved the hair off my face and placed a kiss on my forehead, "I'll help you in any way that I can and I won't let you do this alone, I promise." With that, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

When I woke up the bed felt cold and empty, when I slowly opened my eyes I understood why; there was Eric looking through his drawers wearing nothing but a pair of black pants. Well, this is a nice sight to see in the morning, it's one thing to see his muscles through his shirt, but it is another thing when I see them with his shirt off. I continued to stare for a while longer before I quickly shut my eyes as he started to turn around, hoping to play it off, I started stretching to make it seem like I was just now waking up. He put on a shirt before he sat down next to me, giving me a soft smile, "How did you sleep?" That was a good question actually... I don't remember being stuck in a nightmare, but I don't remember even having a dream, did I even have a dream last night? "Fine, I think. I don't remember having any nightmares. Did you get any sleep?" He looked a little bit more rested today so I'm hoping the answer is yes. "Yeah, I did. Why don't you get ready, so we can leave in a little bit?" I glanced at the clock on his nightstand. It was only eight o'clock in the morning, the trail isn't until three, "Why?"

"Just trust me, okay?" Well let's just get one thing clear, I am starting to trust this man with my life so I won't hesitate for a second. After I took a shower and got dressed, I followed Eric out of his apartment, tugging at the sleeves of his sweater around my hands to give myself some more warmth; I really wish we were still in bed. I noticed Eric's gaze shift down to me and I felt him wrap his arm over my shoulders, bringing me close to keep me warm, it was working that's for sure. I didn't realize where we were going until the sound of chatter started filling up the halls, the dining hall? I was about to say something when I noticed a group of people standing by the doors, backs facing towards us, the blue hair was a dead giveaway and I knew who all those people were, "Are you serious?" My eyes lit up as I looked up at Eric. "Figured you needed to be with people who would help calm you down before later today." With that I pulled away from him and ran over to them, jumping on Tom's back. My sudden action caught him by surprise, but he steadied himself for a moment before putting me down and the four of them turned around, "Miss me?" The warm feeling started resonating in me, I missed them so much. Without a moment of hesitation, they all wrapped me in the biggest group hug and I had to stop myself from crying. When they pulled away, I looked at all of them with a smile on my face, "There's our girl, how are you doing?"

When I went to open my mouth, the smell of food stopped me from speaking; had I really not eaten anything in a week? The growl my stomach made answered my question for me, "I'm starving. Can we talk while I eat?" They all chuckled and nodded their heads. "It's a good thing that what happened didn't affect your eating habits." Tom threw an arm over my shoulder while Sonja wrapped her arms around mine and we all walked into the dining hall. I quickly looked over my shoulder to see Eric still standing there, looking at us, "Thank you." I mouthed to him and he nodded his head, making me turn my head back around. When we sat down at the table, I didn't hesitate to grab the biggest muffin I could and start eating it, this makes me feel better, "Four and Eric briefly told us what happened, I can't believe that asshole did something like that." Jordan said and the rest agreed. I placed my now half-eaten muffin on the table and looked at them. If Four and Eric told them what happened then I won't go into detail about it, it is still too painful to talk about, "Well when someone is a big enough coward they will do whatever they can, but I don't want to talk about it. What have you guys been up to this week?" Thank god that question worked because it didn't take them a second to start talking about the stupid and fun things they did.

3rd Person POV:

Ash knew this was exactly what she needed to start feeling better, yes she knew that this wasn't going to heal her, but it is a step in the right direction. Being surrounded by the people she cares about is all the strength and motivation she needs to get her feeling at least a small bit like her old self. Eric walked into the dining hall with Max by his side and took a glance at Ash, it was the first time in a little bit that he had actually seen her smile and it made him want to stop dead in his tracks. Eric kept trying to deny it for a bit now, but this girl has got him wrapped around her finger and he isn't going to complain about it; for once a girl has him going weak in the knees. The big bad guy has a weak spot and it scares him a little bit, he never wanted to have one and as much as Ash keeps trying to deny it, Eric is her weak spot as well. To them, having weak spots mean people can use them against you, if you show that someone has the ability to make you vulnerable, they know where to strike first. To Ash, it's more terrifying though considering her mom made her come to Dauntless to do one thing and that was to be a soldier, not make friends and fall in love with a man... Well, it's not love... yet... Jeanine can easily use her people against her to get Ash to do whatever she wanted, but for right now the only thing Ash cares about is making it through this trial and through the last step of initiation. When Eric looked away, Ash looked at him and smiled small before she dropped back into the conversation her friends were having. This is what it's like to have people genuinely care about you... This is what it's like to let people in...