(Dzzahn) I'm not being a bitch, I just am a bitch

20 4 9

Dzzahn wakes up in a hospital bed. He doesn't remember falling asleep or coming here, wherever this is. He doesn't recognize this bed or this room. Everything smells weird and his body hurts and there's a low tide of danger still ebbing from the base of his brain.

"YAY," a voice says. "Are you awake finally, I'm so lonely and bored please visit with me."

His eyes focus and he's in a room with 3 other hospital beds. The person diagonally across from him is staring directly at him. She has pink polka dot eyebrows.

Dzzahn: Where am I?

Pink eyebrows: MEDSKOOL. You were pretty fucked up when they brought you in. I like your hair though. Do you always do a kind of swoopy thing with it or have you thought about making it go like this [Does a hand motion that means nothing to Dzzahn]. It's just one idea I had.

The bed next to him is empty and unused but it's piled high with extra blankets and dirty food trays waiting to be taken away. Across from him there's a man, asleep or unconscious, with bright white hair and a thick bandage wrapped around his forehead, like a patient in a cartoon.

Dzzahn: What happened to me. How did I get here.

Pink eyebrows: Bro idk your whole life story but you got a virus. It was a whole serious thing. Everyone is pretty upset, seems like. I was like Don't put me in a room with him I'm not even TRYING to get a deadly virus right now, not even for fun, but they were like He's fine, and I was like Whatever fine I willingly choose not to stress about it. I have me to focus on.

Dzzahn: A virus? I already had the virus. I was here before. They said they fixed that.

Pink eyebrows [exhales deeply]: Anyways... a little bit about me and my needs now? For a change? Not trying to be shaming about your behavior but I do have feelings that need to be considered. Don't get so caught up in helping others that you forget to help yourself. That's, like, a really important vibe for me.

Head Bandage Guy [stirring awake]: Oooh what's happening, our new friend is awake? What did I miss?

Pink eyebrows [screaming]: SHUT UP Bi11IAM WE'RE HAVING A CONVERSATION. [Immediately quieter]: I really need your help bc Bi11IAM [she nods towards Head Bandage Guy] is being a fucking mega bitch. I was trying to do this challenge and there's still an hour left so I need you to go down to the Awarebiary in the lobby and get us a vitamylk refined dermal patch. And you have to ask for extra metabolic discovery. It's not on the menu so you'll feel weird but just do it, OK, and then bring it back here and we'll do a video. I have some lines prepared for you to recite. Then we can get early access to the new VJ sluffyskin video, which I can remix and use to get into ThotLeader House for sure. So can you just go do that? My legs are broken in 6 places so it kinda needs to be you.

Bi11IAM : First of all, I'm not being a bitch, I just am a bitch naturally.

Pink eyebrows: Natural bitches are more collaborative. Like help me assert my destiny literally for once?

Bi11IAM: Secondly of all why do you even want to be in ThotLeader House, they're very good at applying lip shades, but like what else. TroubleSluts House would be a better fit for your brand.

Pink eyebrows: I'm honored that you say that but I just feel like-


Pink eyebrows [to Dzzahn]: You see how he's always yelling at me and second-guessing my life choices, all of which are deeply personal and thought-provoking to me. You can obviously appreciate how this has impacted my recovery, both physically and spiritually and emotionally and intellectually. Like on a cellular vibe level.

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