Chapter twenty

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(songs- 1) so cold by Ben cocks & 2) tell me how to feel by Maggie Eckford)

*jacks pov*
y/n was mad at me. like real mad "I wasn't actually going to do it! I like you a lot!" I tell her "oh really, because you sure as hell have a funny way of showing it!" she yells at me "I do. at first I agreed-" she cuts me off "you agreed! so you were going to!" I didn't know what to say "n-no! ok yes at first I was going to but after I got to know you I realized it would be a stupid mistake because I love you!"

wow way to go jack. nice way of telling her I love you

"oh please. don't say that you don't mean it! you don't know what the meaning of love is!" she yells tears forming in her eyes "but I do.." I say "no jack! no you fucken don't!" she heads upstairs and I was about to follow her "don't you even dare follow me!" she says. maybe I'll just talk to her tomorrow in the morning-when she's more calm. I head upstairs to one of the rooms to try and get some sleep

*y/n's pov*

I head upstairs and slam the door. after a while of just sitting there alone in the dark I check my phone to see what time it was it was already 2. all these thoughts started rushing through my mind, all these thoughts led me to crying.

I grabbed my phone and my flats, I opened the door but then I hear footsteps. I close it back quickly and quietly. I needed to get away. I then realized the window, I opened it and threw my shoes down and put on a sweater. It was tough getting down hence the fact that I still had my dress on.

I made my way over the fence and keep walking. not knowing where I was going in the dark woods. I was scared that some animal would come out or something but at this point I didn't care whether I lived or I didn't. this was the thing I was scared of. scared of falling in love with the wrong guy, scared of being alone, but most of all scared of being hurt. I went up to a rock at a high point. I sat there crying thinking how I ever got here. maybe it wasn't a good idea to get involved with jack after what happened at the party.

right about now it was 4am. I feel my phone buzz and it was jack. I ignored all his calls and messages. I don't know what I was thinking.

hey maybe my life is worthless. maybe all this time I've been trying to get myself together means nothing. I've tried so hard and I'm still the same

i walked and walked until I couldn't anymore and fell to my feet in the middle of nowhere. by now my dress was torn and dirty. my phone had only 50%. I saw that I had a missed called from my mom and Bella. I called her back and tried putting myself together.

-phone call-
Me:hey-you called.
Bella: yes! where are you.

I hung up not telling her where I was. I didn't want to be found, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was blocking everyone out even my mom. I walked until I saw something familiar, it was my school. i jumped over the fence and walked back home. I go into the backyard and hop into my room through my window. no one was home, so I grabbed a change.

I charge my phone a bit and then text My mom, Bella, jack and the boys.

-messages-
Me: hey mom I'm home it won't be long that I'm staying here. I love you and I'm so so sorry...
Me: thanks for trying and I'm sorry I hung up on you but right now I don't feel like talking. -sent to Bella-
Me: hey guys. I appreciate everything you've all done. all of you have put a smile on my face and I thank you for that but I'm at my worst right now and I don't think I can handle it. I love you all so much...goodbye. -sent to the boys in a group-
Me: after our discussion last night. I realized nothing is worth living for and that I didn't say I love you back because I couldn't. I was in shock. I was completely shattered and sadly no one can fix that now. goodbye jack.

I was so lost in my own mind and nothing kills you like your own thoughts. I didn't know how to feel, I need someone to tell me what Is real. I thought I knew him.

I grab some money and leave my phone on the table kitchen and head somewhere. I didn't know where I was going but i kept going. My eyes were so puffy and red. I had no one to blame for all this but myself.

*Matt's pov*
Once I received the text y/n sent me I headed to her house. Bella was there and a couple of the boys. Y/n's mom was sobbing. It hurt me so much to see her cry. She looks up and hugs me and I hug her back "s-she was here and I missed her. I miss my girl!" she said sobbing. I was holding in the tears that where forming but one slipped out "I miss her too" I whisper and shut my eyes.

where are you y/n...

-1 month later-

*y/n's pov*
I was renting a hotel room and i was ok. I missed my mom, Bella and the boys. but most of all I missed jack and I knew that if I went back home I would go back to him and I couldn't.

*jacks pov*
and after a while I realized she didn't want to be found. I did this to her and had only me to blame. There wouldn't be a day that I wouldn't think about her. Every single night I would go to bed crying-how pathetic I sound like a girl but I miss her-knowing that I probably won't see her again but I also knew her so well that this was her call saying that she'd be back when she was ready.

*y/n's pov*
I was ready and went back home. All the boys were there and Bella "your home omg!" my mom says and hugs me so tight "yeah." I say barley hugging her "y/n!" Bella comes to hug me "hey" I say with no expression. All the boys come in and smile real big. They all hug me but I hardly hug back "I'm going to my room" I scoot my way upstairs and fall asleep.

-two weeks later-
I hear a knock on my door "honey are you going back to school" my mom asks me "no, I already said no" I spat, I get up and sit on my bed "I'm sorry I didn't mean to its just I'm so idk" I say to her "it's ok but honey I think you should go to therapy" My eyes widen "what!" I kinda yelled "the school called and they thought it would be a good idea" after a while of arguing with her i said yes "ok now can you get out." I say to her, I was never rude to her but they all annoyed me.

I was so lost and I didn't know what to do. I haven't been out these couple of weeks and I wasn't planning on. Now and then the boys and Bella came and visited me but I hardly spoke. I felt like I had no one, like I was alone and I didn't know if I would ever recover from this heart break.

my heart is aching in pain, from all the damage-I was slowly losing faith. I know there's love in Jack, I really do he just doesn't know how to handle it but forgiving him would be another story.

edited

I'm meeting Taylor this Monday😋 and thank you all for 1k+ reads!

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