Faking it.

CHAPTER 35

I did not even notice that I am crying until a tear drops onto the letter and washes away a bit of ink. At least I know that I was not the only one who mom lied to for so long.

But did this letter help me? I don't know. I still don't know what I want for sure and that's too overwhelming right now. I don't know if I want to get in touch with my father and his family. But something inside of me aches to get answers about this topic.

I sigh and lean back against my headboard. My phone flashes and I look at it, to see that I have a new message from Elliot. This will probably make me cry even more, but I still look at it.

Please come outside.

What? I rush to my window and look outside. He is standing on our front porch looking at his phone.

As I slowly open the door and peek my head through the little space he smiles, "Hi."

"Hi." I say maintaining a straight voice.

"I like your new hair." Is the first thing he says and I just nod.

"What are you doing here, Elliot?" I get straight to the point.

"I wanted to apologise. I was an idiot and I hurt your feelings. I'm really sorry about that." He answers and I shrug. "If that's everything then I'm going to close that door again now." I say not really wanting him to ask us to be friends again.

"Please let me finish." He begs, stopping me. I step outside a little bit, but still maintain a safe distance and make a hand gesture for him to continue.

"I- I'm not very good at this and I don't really know how to start or what to say but I really enjoy being around you and these last few days have been hell for me, especially when I saw you dancing your solo on that stage in front of all these people and saw the pained expression on your beautiful face. I just knew that a part of it was because of me. I love to be the reason you smile, not the reason you cry. I love when you throw paper balls at me and turn to me when you need to vent about something. I hate it when we fight and don't talk anymore. I hate it when I see how exhausted you are but still act as if you're not. I love to see how you got more and more comfortable around me everyday and letting me see more of you with time. Hailey. I- I love you." He vents and I am taken aback.

"That can't be true." I respond and see his smile falter. "Why not, Hailey? I am literally standing in front of you and pouring my heart out to you."

"Then why didn't you kiss me back the other day? Why didn't you stop me from leaving? You tell me that you hate being the reason I cry but you knew damn well that that dick-move would hurt me and you still went for it. I am sorry if I don't believe you put try to see this from my perspective, Elliot." I conter and see his mind working as he stares.

"I know. I know that I fucked up. I was confused when you kissed me and wasn't able to respond to you the way I should have. I guess I was trying to push my feelings for you away ad ignore them since I always thought you didn't like me that way-"

"So this is my fault now?" I ask getting a little bit hot-headed.

"No. No. No. What I am trying to say is that over these past few days where I wasn't able to see you I finally realised what an idiot I was for pushing you and my feelings for you away and that I should have kissed you back. I also realised how much I love you, Hailey. I mean this from the bottom of my heart."

"How can you love me if you don't even know me? If I don't even know myself?" I whisper and look down. I can not help the doubts that my mind is coming up with.

He tilts my chin up and makes me look at him. "I know enough about you, believe me. I know how strong you are even if you don't realise it. I know you don't come from the most perfect family, but the same time are surrounded by the most loving people. I know how much you love your best friends. I know how inspiring it is to see you passionate about dancing. I know how much you want a kitten to play with when you are alone. I know how much you mean to me. I know how amazing you are. And I know that you know who you are deep down too." He explains and leans closer.

"Now I have to ask you something. Do you love me, Hailey?"

I remember what I had told myself during my solo. Everything I do not have figured out doesn't matter right now, it will be okay with time. I know that I want this- whatever this will lead and turn into- and I know how I feel about Elliot. The rest can take its time.

"Elliot Johnson. I love you." I answer and he crashes his lips on mine. I feel my heart do a million backflips in this moment as I take everything of it in, not wanting to let go.

My cheeks flare as we pull our lips apart again and he moves in to hug me.

"You don't know how scared I was for you to reject me after Wednesday." He says and I laugh. "I should have punched you for that stunt you pulled."

We stay like this a little bit longer until something I didn't notice earlier comes up in my mind. "How did you know I would be at that dance competition?" I ask and lean my chin on his shoulder. "Milli threatened me to watch it." He says and I roll my eyes butcan not help the little laugh that escapes my lips when I think of my bestfriend. . "Of course she did."