Eli

The final goodbye

Eli POV

It's been days, days that I've been locked in my room. I've been getting fresh air by sitting on the roof where me and nick spent a lot of time before it all happened. His body was taken to a funeral home so he could be ready for the funeral which is today.

The first time in a week that I've come out of my bedroom. The room where nick and I had so many good memories, then the one where he died holding my hand. Each time I think of nick I can't help but cry and block everyone out. Hannah and Lexi try to get through to me but I ignore them.

They try and get me to eat but I can't. All that's on my mind is nick and the fact I can't hold him in my arms again. Darren has tried to get through to me as well but like everyone else, I just ignore him.

After showering and getting into my suit, I finally leave me room and go downstairs. My eyes stay on the floor not daring to look at anyone.

"Are you ready?" I hear Carl. I nod not trusting my own voice at the moment.

"Eli, just look. He takes after nick." Hannah said softly.

"I don't want to look at the thing that took away the love of my life. Let's just get today over with." I sniffled and walked out of the house.

Lexi and Brandon came in my car with me while Hannah, Darren and Carl went in the other. After a long sigh, I started the car and went to where the funeral was and where nick would be buried.

Half way through the drive Lexi sighed. "E, if you just look at the kid."

"Don't tell me what to do." I snapped.

"Not even once?" She sighed. I didn't answer because she already knew what it was. I can't bring myself to look at the thing that took away nick, that took the only thing that I love more than I can say.

Soon enough, we go to the funeral and sat down. The man did his thing and Darren wrote a eulogy because I can't do it. If it was on different circumstances than I would've, but nick died because of me.

I sat right at the back far from some of nicks old friends and family that I told. His dad showed up and spoke to the coffin while he cried, most likely apologising for all he's done. His mum showed up as well since she felt bad and should have made sure to spend more time with her son, but she didn't.

I kept my head down and silently cried for the loss of my husband. His mum and dad were confused when they saw the flowers that said husband, then Brandon and Lexi told them nick and I eloped and they were our witnesses. But of course no one spoke to me, I didn't want them to either.

Hannah and Darren looked after it and no one questioned why they had a new born. Carl said for a baby born at 33 weeks he's healthy and only had to be in the incubator for a couple days.

Eventually we had to take the coffin out to the graveyard and lower him in. More tears fell making me weak and fall to my knees. Immediately I felt Darren wrap his arms around me tightly while I sobbed on his shoulder.

"I got you, it's alright." He whispered to me. Before I knew it, people left and it was only me and Darren left. They had set his stone saying his name, son and loving husband and his date of birth to the date he died. His coffin was covered and the hole full of mud. It just makes this more real than I want it to be.

"We've got to go mate. It's late." Darren sighed. I nodded and he helped me up. It was starting to get dark making the street lamps turn on. No cars were around so we had to walk home, well I guess that's what I get for staying but I don't care. Anything to be with nick that little bit longer.

All of a sudden, it started pouring it down. Rain ran down my cheeks with my tears as I once again silently cried. My heart broke last week, nothing and no one will be able to fix it other than nick. But like bad luck is on my side, I lost the only good thing that has ever happened to me.

I wish there was more I could do to make nick see how the outcome would be. I wish I could have gotten him to abort and be here and healthy instead of dead and six feet under. Only if it was me in his place.

When we got home I kept my eyes on the floor and walked to my room. Only to be stopped by Lexi. I didn't turn around, i kept my back to then knowing what she was going to say.

"We're sorry we th-," she started.

"You're sorry?" I scoffed. "That's all you can say to me. You didn't lose anyone that you love more than anything in this world. It was none of you that lost the love of your life because they're still sat next to you. You didn't have to watch your partner die slowly because of you. You gave him false hope about that... thing and that he'd survive, which you all knew was bullshit but chose to ignore it other than me. You don't get to say you're sorry when you all partly killed him."

"Eli." Carl sighed.

"Don't start." Was all I said before going to my room. Once there I took off my wet suit, fucking England, but it's home. I got into the shower then dried myself. And again, I found myself on the roof where nick and I spent so much of our time together.

But our time is now over.