letter #10: over

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11/21

My Love,

              It's over. The war's over. God, it feels so good to say that. I'm coming home, Bin. I'm finally coming home. My Commander said that we should be able to get out of here in two weeks, since we still need to close out. I'm so sorry I'm gonna miss your birthday. I promise, as soon as I get my phone back, I will call you and I'll talk to you for hours. I'm ok, and I'm coming back to you.

             I still can't find Taehyun and my Commander says the information is confidential. I hope you and Beomgyu-ssi got to talk and I hope he's doing ok. I can't even imagine what he's going through right now. It's killing me that I can't find Taehyun and I'm starting to think the worst. What if he's already gone?

           I want to relive one more moment with you before I come home: our wedding day. I know we watch our wedding video a few times a year just to relive it, but it doesn't show how we really got married. It doesn't show the hours of work you and I put into it. It doesn't show how much money we put into making it beautiful. It doesn't show our stress and anxiety we had for the months leading up to that day. I remember I hadn't seen you the entire day, since our parents insisted we stick to that silly tradition. I wanted to see you so badly, but I knew I couldn't.

           But then, you called me. I thought it was a little weird since we were at the same venue, just in different rooms, but of course I picked up. You were crying before I even answered. I got so worried and quickly ran to where you were, completely forgetting all traditions when I heard how upset you were. You were in an empty room, sitting down on one of the chairs and sobbing into your hands, but God, you looked so beautiful. I remember hurrying over to you and comforting you, trying to figure out what was wrong.

         I'll never forget what you said to me: "Everything's so beautiful and perfect,  but I feel like we're just putting on a show for everyone when today is supposed to be about us." You were right. You were a hundred percent correct. It wasn't us. It was like a play we were putting on for our families, and it was stressing both of us out so much. There were too many people there. We didn't want to leave anyone out, so we thought of everyone to invite. All we wanted was to be alone and share the love we had for each other, but there were just so many people that it was like we were putting on a performance.

         An idea popped into my head, so I kissed your cheek and asked you to stay in that room. I was running around the venue to find the priest, bumping into people along the way who tried to start a conversation with me. I tried to tell them I was busy and kept searching, finally finding him talking to one of my sisters. I pulled him away and asked if he could do us a favor. He just smiled at me and followed me back into the room you were waiting in. You were still sitting on the chair, sniffling and wiping the tears off your cheeks. I smiled at you, but you scrunched your eyebrows together and asked what I was doing.

           I gently grabbed your hands and you stood up before we walked over to the priest, face-to-face with each other, as I simply said, "Let's make today about us."

           I remember how wide your smile was as I kissed the back of your hand, finally understanding what I was doing. We got married there. In an empty room covered in dust with a few chairs scattered around. It was so perfect. And that's when we realized, we didn't need money, we didn't need to stress, we didn't need to spend three hours picking out what type of flowers we wanted. All we needed was each other. I wish I could relive that moment every day, the tears streaming down our faces out of happiness as we said our vows and those two little words that mean everything in that moment: 'I do'.

          That was the best kiss we ever had, and it was just us. I remember placing my hands on your waist and pulling you closer as you wrapped your arms around my neck, smiling as you kissed me. That moment was so pure and genuine. I wouldn't trade it for the world. We didn't need anyone, other than the priest, of course, but it was so intimate and perfect. I remember us chatting with the priest for a few minutes afterwards. I remember him telling us that he'd never seen two people so deeply in love with each other before and how no one had ever asked him to do that. He was so kind to do that for us.

          Once he left, we danced for a while. I could listen to your voice forever, my love. It's so soothing and angelic that it's all I need. It was just us, in an empty, gross, dusty, abandoned room, but it was the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to. I might be a little biased because it was our wedding... but I'm serious. We could've been in sweatpants and old tee-shirts while stuffing our faces with tteokbokki, and I still would've married you without a second of hesitation.

         Remember how my sister came in while we were dancing? Both of us were way to focused to even notice that she opened the door and saw us as we continued to sway to our song. She coughed to get our attention, and we both lifted our heads up as she told me that my mom was looking for us. I remember saying, "I'll be out in five minutes. Please don't tell mom that we saw each other before the wedding. I just missed him."

         She just giggled at me and replied, "That tradition is stupid. My lips are sealed." I thanked her and she left us alone, letting us continue to dance until the end of the song. We should do that more often. I feel like I haven't danced with you for ages. I want to definitely do that more when I get back to you.

          Afterwards, we did end up putting on a show for everyone we invited, so technically, we got married twice. But I don't care. Everyone was confused as to why us and the priest were smiling at each other so much, but we knew why. We never told anyone because we wanted to have that moment to ourselves. Our small moment to show each other how much we were in love. It was just like you, Soobin. It was flawless.

        I miss you so much and I can't wait to see you again. I love you.

           With Love,

                            Yeonjunie

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