letter #8: new

695 53 34
                                    

10/10

Soobinnie,

It's been over a month since I've been able to sit down and write to you, and I'm so sorry. We got placed into barracks in groups and it's so small that Taehyun and I have to share a bed. I miss home. I miss you. What I wouldn't give to be with you right now. I don't know what's going to happen. I know you don't want to hear that, but I have to think about everything that could happen. The bombs are so loud at night that we can barely sleep. We have to be quiet and tip-toe everywhere just in case someone's here.

Taehyun was shaking last night when we were laying in our bed. I felt so bad and I just hugged him until he fell asleep. He's turned into my little brother, basically. He only has a younger sister, and you know how I have two older sisters, so we're like the brothers we never had. All I want to do is protect him and I guess my brotherly instinct just kicked in, so I held him without giving it another thought. He looked so broken and scared. He was seriously about to have a panic attack, so I had to calm him down. The bombs were so loud that I get where his panic was coming from. I think it's starting to make him traumatized; I think it's the same with me.

Please, don't worry, ok? That's the last thing I want you to do. Taehyun-ssi and I are alright, it's just a bit scary being here. We were never really cut out for this, but we had no choice. Tae is writing a letter to his husband right now as well and I said that I'd put it in the mail for us. That's the other reason I haven't been able to write to you; it's been too dangerous to go to the outgoing mailbox. They've pushed back a little bit, so now the mailbox is close to where we are and it's within our territory. Although, I don't know when this'll get to you.

I don't know why I'm thinking about this right now, but do you remember the day I came out to my parents? We were already dating for about six months and we had already confessed that we loved each other. You were always so supportive of me. You never pushed me or nagged me about it. You let me come out on my own time, and I owe you the world for that.

I remember I brought you over to my parent's house again, and they didn't think anything of it since they knew you as my friend. My parents loved you ever since they met you for the first time. The way you helped my mom cook and clean the dishes after dinner. The way you're always so polite to them and bow whenever you get the chance. The way you'd listen to my dad for hours on end, even though his stories are a bit boring. They've loved you forever, Binnie.

We sat down next to each other on the couch with my parents and my two sisters with us in the living room. I remember how jealous I'd always get whenever my sister flirted with you, but I know she didn't know. And honestly, I don't blame her because you're incredible. I remember you giggling at me because I sat in between both of you; only you knowing the true reason for it.

My mom asked you if you wanted tea, but you said 'no', so you didn't have any while the rest of us took little sips. That's the one thing about my family. Whenever we have talks like that or when we're relaxing together, our mom makes everyone tea. It's just kind of our thing. Anyways, I remember my dad asking why I called for this family meeting and he was confused as to why I invited you. Of course, you already knew, so I could feel you looking at me, waiting for me to answer with your comforting gaze.

I closed my eyes and blurted out, "Soobin and I are dating." Before I lost the courage. The whole room went silent after I said that, and I was terrified. I stared at the floor as I mumbled out, "I love him."

You instantly grabbed my hand since you were scared of the silence too. Even my sisters weren't talking, but I felt a tear escape when I saw my dad get up from his chair and leave. You noticed and wrapped an arm around me, rubbing my back and whispering in my ear in an effort to make me feel better, but everything was hurting. I sniffled and looked up when I saw my dad come back into the living room, holding another mug and carrying a coaster in the other hand. I was confused when he placed it down in front of you, but I'll never forget what he said: "I don't care if you don't want tea. You're family, so you're drinking it."

I heard your little giggle before you replied, "Thank you, sir." Still managing to comfort me in the process. I couldn't take it anymore and burst into tears. Too many things were going through my head at once, but I remember you telling me that everything was ok. I remember everyone hugging me and comforting me, and it was just so loving and sweet. I remember my mom telling me that I didn't have to say anything if I wasn't comfortable, but God, they deserved an explanation. I love my family, including you, my love, because you've always been my family, and I'm so grateful for for my family.

I hope you're doing well, love. We're ok right now, I promise. Everything's going to be ok. I love you and I miss you.

With Love,

Yeonjunie

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