letter #4: fancy

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8/15

My Whole Heart,

Soobinnie, it was so good to hear your voice again. I don't think I realized how much I truly missed it. Even if our short call was only for a few minutes, I just needed to hear your voice so badly. I feel so bad about them taking my phone as soon as I got here. I still don't understand why they did that in the first place, and then I had to wait over a month just to be able to call you. At least I know that these letters are reaching you in about a week's time.

Binnie, please, you have to live your life. You were so sad on the phone and you said you've been skipping meals. I'm so worried about you and it aches me that I can't be there with you. All I want to do is hold you and tell you everything's ok, but I can't, and it hurts my heart. I don't want to be the cause of the bags under your eyes or have your tears staining this paper. Please, I'm begging you, be happy. When you're happy, I'm happy.

Let's be happy together... Remember about a year and a half ago when I bought reservations at the fanciest restaurant in Daegu for our anniversary? I was just thinking about this the other day. We wore our nicest suits to go out and eat in a private room. From the outside, it looked like the perfect date, but God, we hated it. We felt so out of place. All the food was so small and had the strangest portions. Everything was so beautiful, not as much as you, my love, but it didn't taste good. It was as if they were only concerned with how the food looked rather than the taste. I saw how you looked on the other side of the table. Your eyes were frantically moving around the room as I felt your leg bob up and down under the table. I reached out my hand to hold yours. I remember soothingly rubbing your knuckles as I asked, "Do you want to get out of here?" I remember the look on your face. You looked so adorable as your eyes slightly widened while tilting your head to the side in confusion. You responded, "Why? You spent a lot of money on this."

I smiled and simply said, "I'm craving ten thousand won ramyeon from Magic Island." I saw you smile at the mention of our favorite restaurant. The food is amazing there, and the owners know our orders by heart. Isn't that a million times better that that fancy restaurant? And my God, the food there is incredible.

Your smile was full of light as you replied, "Me too." And so, we left. Giggling and joking around as we walked, hand-in-hand, to Magic Island. The owners were confused since we were still in suits, so we told them the story. They loved so much that we wanted to come to their place rather than the fanciest restaurant in Daegu, that they gave us free sticky rice balls. They were so nice to us, but all I remember is the bright smile on your face. It was a hundred times wider than when we were at the other restaurant. As I watched your cheeks puff up from the huge bites of ramyeon, I fell more and more in love with you. The next day, I went out and bought your engagement ring.

I remember you humming at the taste and the sparkle in your eyes. I wish I could go back to that day. As soon as we got home, we changed out of our suits into comfy clothes and cuddled on our couch as we watched a movie and ate ice cream. I miss how you would constantly scold me about eating mint choco.

I couldn't picture a more perfect date with you. I remember you falling asleep on my chest and carrying you to our bedroom. I remember you whining and wanting me to hold you closer. I just smiled and held you like I never wanted to let go. I never want to let go, Soobin.

If there's one thing I want to do when I get back, it's hold you. Hold you and never let you go. I hope you want the same. I love you with all my heart and I miss you every second of every day, Bin.

With Love,

Yeonjunie

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