1 | Casper the Friendly F*ckboy

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My life was a joke at the best of times, but getting ghosted by a guy named Casper was a punchline I could've lived without

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My life was a joke at the best of times, but getting ghosted by a guy named Casper was a punchline I could've lived without. My glare was burning a hole into my phone screen as I scanned his stupid face, his profile picture's cheesy grin looking goofier and goofier as I scoffed at his deceptively written bio, where he'd listed his occupation as a Property Manager. Circus clown, more like. Asshole.

Dharsheni, who was sitting in the metal cafe chair opposite me, found the entire ordeal hilarious as I slumped further into my own chair with pouted lips. I was certain I would slump so low that I'd eventually fall onto the damp concrete below us before too long.

'C'mon, you've got to admit there's something poetic about it,' she insisted with a poorly hidden laugh. 'Casper the Not-So-Friendly Ghost—Wait, no! Casper the Friendly Fuckboy.'

I lifted my gaze to her with a frown as she took a sip of her black coffee, which did no better of a job at hiding her amusement. Crowds of people were bustling along the pavement beside us, so I leaned forward to ensure nobody else could gain any pleasure from my sorry state of a dating life.

'It's everything but poetic, Sheni. I just—Ugh, I thought our date went so well, you know? He had a good job I could relate to—' The property manager thing, not the circus clown thing '—his own place, dressed well, smelled amazing—'

'You smelled him?'

'Only in passing,' I pointed out.

'Right.'

'He came from a good family, he was polite, he was funny—Well, actually, no, he wasn't. His sense of humour was abysmal, so not sure why I just said that.' I sighed as I started picking at my reusable coffee cup. 'My point is, he was the perfect gentleman.'

'Minus the whole taking you out on a date, sleeping with you, saying he'll call you, then disappearing off the face of the earth thing, right?' Dharsheni replied with raised eyebrows as a horn honked from somewhere down the street.

'Details, Sheni, details. Anyway, look, it's fine, I'm officially giving up men.'

'Join me in the dark side,' was her response as she lifted her arms, held her hands out in front of me, then wiggled her fingers as if she was impersonating a ghost, which was both confusing and deeply embarrassing given we were surrounded by Londoners undergoing their morning commute.

I chose to ignore Dharsheni's bizarre behaviour, and replied with, 'if this is an attempt to hit on me, Sheni, then sorry to say but you've scored a low three at best with that effort.'

'Nah, don't flatter yourself; you're not my type,' she responded as she scrunched her button nose. 'You're way too needy, and your standards are ridiculous.'

'Hey, you bitch! Are you in cahoots with Casper or something?'

'Ugh, please. Rich, hetero white guys terrify me.' She shivered dramatically before bouncing in her seat. 'Hey, you never know; today might be the day you pluck up the courage to progress from stealing subtle glances at Vici Hottie to staring longingly at him.'

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