After the redemption {Sequel}

2 Trying

After my mother-in-law had left with the children, I decided to try again. I had little hope that anything would change today. However, I owed it to myself and my children to keep trying. No matter how long it would take.

I stood outside the door of our bedroom and prepared myself for the sight that awaited me in there. I quietly opened the door and tried to see something in the dark room. The curtains were almost completely closed, only a narrow strip of light came into the room from the windows. It was so quiet, unnaturally quiet. No sound could be heard.

My gaze immediately wandered to the bed, but to my surprise it was empty. This was the first time in almost two weeks that she had left the bed. I let my gaze wander further and found what I was looking for.

Y/N sat on the armchair in the corner of the room with her knees pulled up and stared outside through the narrow gap in the curtain. She looked so exhausted. Y/N had dark shadows under her red and swollen eyes. Her skin was pale and dull, at the moment she resembled more a ghost than herself. Because she hardly ate anything, she had lost so much weight that her cheeks were already sunken in.

Each one of these things causes me pain. How much I wished that she would finally let me help her. But she hardly spoke to me and I didn't know how much longer I could bear it.

"Y/N baby, will you please talk to me?" I begged.

"What do you want to talk about, Adam? Do you want to talk about what a failure I am? I'll pass. I know I'm a failure, there's no need to talk about that," she said in a tired voice.

"You're not a failure. Stop saying that. What happened was not your fault. It's nobody's fault, it just happened. You need to start going back to your normal life. Our children need you, I need you, Y/N!" I said.

"Our other children needed me too and look what happened. I could not protect them. I could not keep them alive. They died inside me because I am a weak failure. And on top of that, I disappointed you all," she replied without looking at me.

"You didn't disappoint anyone. You had no influence on what happened. You couldn't prevent it any more than I could prevent it," I said, but she still wouldn't look at me.

"You wanted so badly to have more children, Adam. So you're the first one I let down. Then Aiden, he wanted so much to have a little brother to wrestle and play video games with. And what about Alice? Remember Alice's face when she heard that she's not only going to have a new brother but also a sister? She was so excited to become a big sister. She was so excited it took us forever to get her into bed. And now? Is all that gone because I wasn't strong enough," she answered and finally looked at me. There was so much pain in her eyes.

"And just so you know... I'm really trying, Adam. I'm trying to leave this room. Every time I hear Alice crying, I stand at the door and I want to go to her. I want to take her in my arms and comfort her. But I can't. I am stuck. I don't know if I can get back to my old life. I try to. I love you guys. I love our children. I love you. More than you will ever know. But I need more time. I need more time to grieve, to process all this. It's hard. It's not every day you lose two babies at once. When you go to a doctor's appointment for your seventh-month checkup, you don't expect to suddenly hear no more heartbeats." Y/N explained.

"You're strong, baby! I know you are. But you're not alone. They were my babies, too! You don't have to handle this alone. I want to be here for you. So please let me help you. I feel the same pain you do. Together we can overcome it," I said and went to her. I pulled my wife onto her legs and wrapped her in my arms. Much to my amazement she let it happen this time. I hoped it was a good sign.