Roses | woosan

Ten

"It was your fault! It's all your fault! You did it!" Wooyoung tosses and turns on his bed, trying to wake up from the nightmare. "It was you! You don't deserve to be happy! I hate you!" He hears his family members voices. He quickly sits up on the bed and tries catching his breath as tears roll down his cheeks.

"No! It wasn't my fault!" He shakes his head and cries. "I-I didn't know. It's not my fault. No one knew about this." He repeatedly shakes his head. "Make it stop! Make it stop!" He yells, which makes his mother storm into the room.

"Woo, what's wrong honey? Another nightmare?" She pulls him in for a hug and rubs his back. "It's okay, honey. It was all just a dream."

"N-no mom. Th-this is my everyday life." He sobs. "I can't forget about this and it was all my fault. I-I don't deserve to be happy."

"Woo, don't say that, sweetie. No one knew about it, okay? You did it to make her happy. How is that your fault? None of us knew about it and you deserve to be happy."

"No I don't." He shakes his head. "She's dead because of me!" He yells. "It could've been prevented, mom! I did it!"

"Wooyoung, listen to me!" She raises her voice at him. "It wasn't your fault, okay? I don't think it was your fault and I'm sure your grandma would've never thought it was your fault. Why should it matter what your cousins and other family members say? Don't you remember how much your grandma loved you? Don't you remember how most of them were never there for her? Yet now they're acting like they did so much for her, but what did they do?! Nothing! We were the only ones there for her, Woo. And you tried your best to make her happy and it worked, okay? When you'd get her roses, she was happy. She loved them!"

"I-I'm sorry." Wooyoung looks down. "I can't stop myself from thinking that it was my fault."

"Don't worry, sweetie. That'll change soon, okay? I'll make you an appointment with a psychiatrist. I'm sure it'll work this time. You need to realize this wasn't your fault, Woo."

"They'll never let me be happy, mom. Just when I think that things are getting better, they show up and make me feel like it was all my fault."

"Who?" His mother asks, confused, but then realizes what he means. "You mean your cousins?"

"They say it's my fault and that I don't deserve to be happy. They say so many other horrible things."

"I'll have a talk with them and their mothers, okay? I promise this will pass and you'll be happy." She rubs his back. "You'll realize you do deserve happiness. You deserve happiness for making your grandma so happy, Woo."

-

San tosses and turns on his bed. He can't sleep and the thought of those guys from earlier, being mean to Wooyoung, keeps repeating in his mind. Who were they? And why are they so mean to him?

He sighs and sits up on the bed, before standing up and walking over to his window. He sits down on the chair and the memories immediately run into his mind. He'd always sit on this same chair when he wanted to see Wooyoung stealing roses from his garden.

He'd always have to hide himself when he noticed Wooyoung was going to look up at the window. And he'd always distract his mom when Wooyoung was stealing the roses and she happened to walk into his room.

A small smile forms on San's lips when he remembers the times he'd be too shy to talk to Wooyoung. He even had to ask Yunho for help.

He stands up and walks over to his desk, before turning his laptop on. That same computer where he'd write his love letters.

He reads through them and shakes his head and smiles. "I guess I liked him a lot... but I had no idea he'd change so much."

He only stopped writing the letters a few months ago, but it seems like he thinks so differently now. He was finally able to see Wooyoung again, but it wasn't what he expected at all.

I recently saw Wooyoung again after five years.
But he's so different now.
It almost makes me question whether he really is the same person I met back then, or if he's just someone who has the same name.
I don't know why he changed so much, but I somehow want to figure it out. I know it's none of my business and he'll probably tell me to leave him alone for the hundredth time, but I still care about him. Why is that? Why do I still care even after he's been so mean to me? Does this mean it wasn't just a childhood crush?

I want to be his friend again and I feel like an idiot for coming back and writing on here, but it somehow makes me feel better. Yunho's my best friend, but it seems like I can't talk to him about Wooyoung or he gets really annoyed with me... so I have no one else to talk to about him.

I just hope Wooyoung stops being mean to me and tells me why he changed so much :(

San (17)