One Rule! • JK x Reader•

55. I don't hate you

"You need to go back upstairs and practice, I don't want to hear any, 'I didn't practice enough' shit later, now go" You almost demand him.

But you don't really want him to leave.

You never do!

"Come with me, please, let me talk to you in your office" his eyes are wide and doe like making your heart melt.

"Fine" you sigh standing up and he shoves the chair out quickly following you to the elevator.

Once inside the elevator, it feels tense and too much, alone with him again.

A bit like the air in the elevator could suffocate you.

"Y/N? I..."

"Jungkook don't! I don't know what this is about but..."

You're both stumbling over words and not knowing what to say or do, it's awkward.

So you just opt for silence in the end.

Once inside your office it's no better, he sits at the chair in front of your desk as you sit down.

"Are we okay?"

He's there again, asking this ridiculous question when there is no 'we'

"Jungkook..." you sigh shoving your fingers through your hair not looking at him.

You daren't look at him.

"No, Y/N no! You're always shoving me away, being cold! I know you're not like that! You think I forget about the times when..."

You cut him off; "what?"

"Y/N, we're friends! You said we were friends so why always close me off? The other day I left you alone, I didn't push you to talk to me, I left your office I walked away, I did what you wanted and still you're not speaking to me" his voice sounds somewhat sad and your heart thumps into your rib cage.

You hate yourself!

"I am speaking to you! I'm speaking to you right now!" You snap back instantly.

You can't have this conversation right now!

It's too much! It's too much when you'd missed him last night when you shouldn't have!

When your craved for him to be in your bed sleeping tangled up with you!

When you miss him all the times you're not with him.

"No, I'm talking and you're listening but you're not giving me any answers!" He glares right at you and you want to squirm under his gaze, it's still hot and intense.

"Answers to what?" If you were somewhere else right now other than here at work, in your office you'd scream at him!

It's not that you're truly angry at him, you're really not, but it hurts and you don't want him to think you hate him and you want to talk to him about things but you're not allowed to feel anything you've been feeling so you have to let it go.

Plus, it's ridiculous because as if Jungkook, an idol in a massive kpop band would like you that way!

"I ask you what's wrong, you never answer me, you fob me off telling me you're okay when you're not! I ask if we're okay, our friendship and you tell me there isn't a we... I dunno Y/N? Have I done something wrong? Talk to me!"

There's a moment of silence when you don't even know what to say.

"Please Y/N, talk to me?" His voice is soft and he leans onto his elbows on the table so he's closer to you again, his eyes gazing into you, begging you to not run.

And truth is, you don't want to run.

"Kook..." You almost whisper, or whimper, you want to break down and tell him everything that's being going on in your head for the last week but, you can't.

You can't!

"What? Help me understand because I didn't think I'd done anything wrong." He puts one hand down on the table, maybe in frustration.

You stare at each other.

Silence.

A moment that feels so intense it's like a spark could light right now and the office would blow up into tiny pieces.

"I'm sorry, I just..." you don't actually have any words, but you are sorry, really sorry.

"Don't be sorry! I want you to talk to me, help me understand what's going on? Because I think I'm going insane! One minute we're friends and we're close and I don't over think and I don't want to go to the gym and work out and... but then the next, you push me away and I want to go to the gym and work out until I drop like I used to but I promised you I wouldn't and..." he stops; Jungkook had literally sat there and blurted out everything he'd been thinking, like he's got verbal diarrhoea!

"No, Kook, I'm sorry... please, just... I've been feeling rubbish and tired and I'm sorry, we are friends..."

Jungkook gives you a small smile; "but it's like you hate me?"

"I don't hate you" you sigh and reach your hand slowly over towards his that's laid out on the desk; when your fingertips reach his and you touch them lightly and it feels like a million sparks shoot through your skin, up your fingers and to your veins.

Jungkook slowly intwines his fingers with yours and you let him, until you're holding hands, your palm sweating against his and you feel shy and small and now you want to run but when he squeezes your hand you look up at him and he calms you.

Again!

"I don't hate you Kook, I promise" your voice hitched in your throat but it's soft and truthful and he squeezes your hand again.

"I don't hate you either, I want you to know you can talk to me, always, any time..."

You stare at each other for a moment and you're sure you can see stars in his eyes, they're sparkling and he's beautiful; "Kook... I, please go back to practice, the show is later, I need... I need you to focus on that not me, please?"

Jungkook sighs a little and let's go of your hand; "fine, I'm going! I'm going because you're not okay and obviously you still don't want to talk to me, so I'm going"

You watch sadly as he stands from the chair and wanders to the door; "see you later to go to the arena then" he gives you a blank look and leaves your office before you can say anything more.

You sit in silence, hating yourself and everything you've done!

You've made him feel like you hate him!

No matter how many times you tell him you're sorry and that you don't hate him, you still push him away!

Bitch!!!