Chapter Thirty Five:

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Emery Scott~

Sometimes the pain crushes you- it leaves you incapable of everything. It leaves you broken- in and out. The tears won't roll down, and the screams won't escape past your quivering lips. The hallucinations would come, but they'd not allow you to react and let the steam go. They'd force the steam to keep burning you, staining you. Some pain, which makes you want to shatter everything in vision, because you can't stand something perfect near your broken soul. The pain is real, and so is the agony.

Pain is always so hard to overcome because do you ever really overcome it? Do you really ever overcome that little nag in the back of your head that reminds you of the events that you have experienced in your life? There are days when I wake up and I forget about everything  that has happened at the start of my college year and there are days when I feel like it is drowning me, like the the strength of the pain has me underwater and is forcing me to stay there until my lungs are full and I can no longer fight it.

I was just exhausted.

Emotionally....

Physically....

Exhausted.

I couldn't pull myself together today to even try to attend my classes, I couldn't pull myself together to reply to the text messages that were awaiting my attention on my phone. I needed sleep, but if I slept then would it happen again?

Would the exhausting nightmare reappear?

I knew the reason for my nightmare I had just awoke from, I knew the reason why it had happened.... he wasn't here.

I'm afraid of all I am, my mind feels like a foreign place right now, he's trying to fix himself I don't want to constantly burden him with my baggage.

My television played ahead of me my favourite films giving me some sort of comfort as I lay buried in my covers. I held the pillow tightly to my chest hugging it almost taking an unsteady breath as Harry Potter & the philosophers stone played before me.

"Alright there, Ron" young Harry asks sweetly as he stood next to his two best friends.

"Alright, you?" Ron replies.

"Alright. Hermione?" He asks.

"Never better" she replied.

This part of the film was one of my favourite wholesome scenes, in that very moment they didn't know what was yet to come. These 3 young children didn't know that their life was going to be turned upside down over and over again but in that particular moment they didn't care about the uncertain future they were yet to face and maybe that's exactly what I needed.

"You skipped out on your classes... to lay in bed and watch Harry Potter..." the deep voice startled me. "Without me?" He asked, I glanced to where Axel stood slouching against my bedroom door. I was so out of it and lost in the world of Harry Potter that I hadn't even heard him come in.

"When did you get here" I asked quietly as I stretched yawning. He offered me a somewhat sympathetic smile and kicked his shoes off as he made his way over to my bed.

"5 minutes ago, I was too busy watching you tear up at them saying "alright" to announce my presence I mean if you read my text's you would have seen I was worried about you" he replied softly. He slid in next to me pulling the cover over his body covering his jumper and joggers pulling me closer to him placing a kiss on my forehead.

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