A quiet comfort surrounds me. I begin to shake as I hear your words in the back of my mind telling me of love and trust. I wonder how I believed you, when I knew that such bliss would surely have to end as quickly as it began. The pains of loss and grief continue. I am now without your presence to comfort me in a time of great neccessity. I can not feel your strong grip holding me protectively, warmths from within to comfort me. Though I long for them. A sense of sadness. So many things to say but somehow I can not. I fear my pain and for all the love I have bestowed you with to hold. I want to understand the reasons I can't say what hurts so much. To say them makes them real, makes it hurt more. A fear of reality will not allow me to speak.
I sit, lost in thought, seeing you in my mind and knowing that what I feel you are all too aware of. Time is careful not to disturb my thoughts as it passes by. As I finally look up at the clock I wonder 'how long have I been frozen here?' Numb to my surroundings. My pen still moving across the paper as my heart fills with tears, I am crying inside. My mind filled with memories. To think of you is both joy and sorrow. My soul, a void, and yet somhow full. Full of feelings of loss and unbearable pain. Jealousy for those lives you will touch while I cannot. They will taste your sweet release as I weep into my pillow alone and scared. They will have you and all I will have is regret and jumbled emotion towards the agonizing destruction you left behind. Jumbled emotions. Fear builds as I realize I have lost you to another even though I know I am the one to come out victorious. I fail to understand my conflictions. Thoughts so distorted and horrifyingly real.
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Obsessions of an addictRandom
Compilation of writings relating to my addiction and the struggles to overcome it. It's important to know that NONE of my writing came to fruition during my active addiction. In other words, NOTHING I share here was written under the influence of dr...