II - Gerard

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"I guess you're fucked then."

"Please don't do this to me Tom. You know I have to take care of my mother and brother." I say, pleadingly.

"It's either you get me a boy, or you get killed. Got it?"

The dark sillhoute of his large, muscular body shifted as he stood up.

"Fine." I spit back.

"You have twenty days to find me a kid, or you can say good bye to the pathetic life you live." He hissed.

"I created you. You owe me. You owe me big time. I need one boy for this. This business isn't clean and it isn't cool. This buisness is fucked up pretty bad, and you know it. If I don't get this kid, then I get in trouble with my big boss. Then we would both be fucked, you hear?" He says.

He made me so fucking mad, because I didn't owe him anything. Yeah, he may have saved my life and accepted me into his gang and made me a monster but I couldn't just get a boy. People have lives, and you cannot just end them. That wasn't how life worked. Life was supposed to be something we cherished and celebrated. But the man standing in front of my didn't give one rats ass about the value of ones life. It pissed me off.

"Whatever. Ill have 'em by the end of the month."

My Jersey accent made me feel tough sometimes, even when I was scared out of my fucking mind.

"You better." He snaps as he walks past me, spitting on my shoes. If he wasn't stronger than me and wasn't my gang leader then I would have totally beat the shit out of him, but that wasn't the case.

The case was- I had to get a boy. A "meaningless human that had no imporantance" boy.

The leader- "Tom" or "TBB (The Big Boss- the more 'respectful' term he 'preferred') needed a kid that could get him the stuff he needed. For example, going out and getting the drugs he needed because it's too risky for him or to go make deals like pay for girls that TBB wanted.

The last person we had as this designated boy got shot and died on the street. No one picked up his body until it was found by the police five hours later.

Lets just say it wasn't the worst thing i've seen in my life.

But if I wanted to live, I had to find this boy. I literally had no choice. They would kill me- or worse- kill my family. That couldn't happen.

If my family died, so would I. They were all I had.

It really killed me that I had to steal a kid. I never wanted to have to do this. But you gotta do what you gotta do I guess.


I looked up at the sky. It was a gorgeous night. The sky displayed spectacular colours. It was nice to have this constant in my life since everything else was moving around me so quickly. It left me on the ground dizzy, and wanting to kill myself.

I sat on the ledge of the building I was on top of. I came here almost everyday at this hour to see the sky. Tonight it was the most beautiful it ever was, hands down.

I took a deep breath. I could jump right now. I could end it all.

I couldnt do that. The gang would go after my family. They would kill them. I would not let that happen.

Then I heard a sound come from the other side of the rooftop. I dropped down as fast as I could because it could be the owner of the building or someone from the gang we are against. That would mean I would die instantly.

I looked through the cracks between the vent that was sticking out of the top of the building.

It wasn't a gang member. It was a small teenager crying.

What the hell?

He started yelling And kicking the ground. He must be crazy.

I stood up, as he started to speak to himself.

"God, please be real, I don't want to die and have nothing be there."

He was here to jump. He was here to kill himself.

I understand why he would want to. The world was an awful place full of awful people.

Fake people that were in pain. Fake people that were happy with themselves even though they did not do one damn good thing in their entire life.
I hated those people.

I walked slowly behind him. I could hear his heavy breathing.

"I want to die." He whispered.

You could feel the amount of pain he projected into the atmosphere in that moment. His presence was broken and his energy ran cold. He was not living. He was surviving.

"No." I said.

The boy sat down on the edge.

"I'm going crazy. My mind is talking to me." He said.

He didn't know there was someone behind him.

"Listen then. Before you kill yourself, listen to what the truth is."

He nodded. I walked closer behind him.

"Life is constant motion that you cannot stop nor pause. You can and will try, but it will not work. You are stuck in a downwards motion. You have to shift positions and make yourself go up. Straight up. Killing yourself makes your motion go permanently downwards. It also causes others to go downwards. Is that what you want?"

The sun was almost fully set.

The Stars were extremely visible. There were hundreds of thousands.

"How did my mind think of that?" The boy said, looking up.

"It didn't." I said, as he turned around.

Then I saw his face.

Defined cheekbones. Sharp jawline. Hazel eyes that glowed. Black messy after sex looking hair, looking absolutely gorgeous.

He had a look of slight confusion. You could tell this by how he raised his eyebrow. There was also a touch of fear. He obviously didn't want to prove that he was feeling fear, but I could sense it.

I was good at that.

"Who the hell are you?" He asked me.

I looked at my feet, "honestly, I don't know."

He looked at me with his eyes filled with concern.

"Are you here to die, too?" He asked me.
I thought about the question. The answer was not yes or no. I basically already killed myself. I wasn't living. I was just like the boy standing in front of me.

Broken and dead.

I ran my hand through my hair, and took a deep breath, "Honestly, I'm already dead. How do you kill something already dead?"

He stared at me, not knowing what to say.

"I want to die." He exclaimed.

"No, you don't." I said back. He seemed almost offended at my comment.

"Fuck you, you don't know me." He said saltily.

"But I know how you're feeling. I hate my life and you should be fucking thankful." I say.

"Fuck you." He said.

I felt a shiver go up my spine. I was being a dick to this kid.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a dick. Please don't kill yourself even if life is bad because it will get better." I say.

He looked me in the eyes, "Are you sure? Because all my fucking life I've been sad. I can't escape my own brain. I wake up in the morning and I hope that I'll die from a natural cause so people won't be as sad."

He let out a sigh. I felt bad for the kid.

"If you kill yourself bad things will happen. The future will be fucked up." I say, sitting down next to him.

He shrugged.

"I just wanna be happy." He said.

"Come with me then."

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