CHAPTER 30: BITTERSWEET

                              Monday, June 5th 2017 - Los Angeles, California

                        "I can't f.ucking believe you bought me tickets for Walk The Moon. Do you know how crazy this? It's really crazy." I say stunned as we arrive in front of the Palladium. My heart starts beating faster the second I realize that I'm about to see one of my favourite bands live.

 Sam takes my hand in his after he walked around the car. A wide smile is on his face as he watches me how I can't shut up talking about the concert that is supposed to start in not even three hours.

 At first I even was a bit mad that they didn't give me the tickets earlier because now that we have arrived so late we won't be able to stand front row but the mere thought of my friends being with me is making me more than happy.

 For a second, I look over to Harry and Jess. Jessica is her usual self, clinging onto Harry's arms as if she is in the water and couldn't swim and his arm is her lifebuoy. Harry's lips are a straight line as he eyes the building highly concentrated. But I know for a fact that Harry is trying to suppress his excitement because he told me that he'd like the band a lot, hence the album on his iPod that we have listened to multiple times when we were on our own little trip.

 Even though I have spent only a week intensively with Harry, I feel like I know him better than anyone else does. I see little gestures and can tell when and in what situation he is going to do them again. I know about his favourite bands, favourite drinks and food, even what his favourite sleeping position is or how he likes his coffee.

 I have learned so much about him and really got to know him and every needless information and now I don't have a clue what to with all this information I have. Being good friends with him is basically impossible because I don't only know his mind but his body. I slept with him and being friends afterwards is always awkward, even for me.

  "Stella? We wanna get in now." Sam says and I tear my gaze from Harry who is looking weirdly at me since he has caught me staring. Quickly, I shake my head and give Sam a weak smile before the six of us enter the Palladium.

 Inside it is packed. People rush from one side to the other. Enter and leave the restrooms. Buy food and sit down to eat. People excitedly talk and laugh loudly. And even with all this noise around us, I'm beaming with happiness.

 But suddenly Sam's hand that is firmly intertwined with mine feels like I carry around the heaviest burden possible. He in particular has made this possible for me. To be on this road trip, to see some of the best cities in California and to watch one of my favourite bands live.

 I have promised him over and over again that I love him even though it has always been a lie. Now, I have promised Harry to not tell anyone that we've slept with each other. I desperately want to get out of this mess but I can't find a solution where no one gets hurt on my own.

  "I'm gonna go use the toilet," I announce and free my hand from Sam's, "Beth, can you come with me?" I ask and my voice sounds more urgent than I wanted it to.

  "Uh, sure." She frowns and follows me. Luckily, Jess doesn't want to come along. When we enter the restrooms, there luckily is no one inside.

  "What's wrong, Stella? Do you need to talk? Here and now?"

  "I wanted to talk to you all day but Sam was around all the time," I sigh and lean against the sink behind me, "I've been thinking because last night Harry said some stuff that made me think and I don't think I like what he was trying to say."

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