"It's okay," she said.
She stood up and opened up the cupboard under the sink. She took out a roll of the athletic wrap. She turned back towards me extending her hand, I rested my uninjured hand in hers and stood up and took off the shower. She threw a towel at me. I wrapped myself and sat on the counter. She took my injured hand and began wrapping it.
"Thanks." I said, for the hundredth time. When she finished wrapping my hand, she looked up at me and pulled me in for a hug. We stayed in that position for a few minutes.
"Remember, I told you, if you ever have any dreams or anything let me know, please. We can't have this always happening."
My face began to burn and the tears were coming again. I pulled away from the embrace, we were both in tears.
"I try but sometimes these feelings come out of no where and now he's gone and there's nothing I could have done that would have benefitted him and would not have hurt me."
" I know! I know!"
"I gave him my everything, he manipulated, hurt me and as soon as I stopped giving in .. I did what I could but I couldn't anymore." I paused; wasn't sure if I wanted to hear the words out loud, "Now he's gone and it's all my fault." I screamed.
She grabbed my face, her hand squeezing my cheeks, "Listen to me! There was nothing you could have done, what he chose to do was not your fault. That's a horrible weight to carry. He was sick, Catherine."
"A sick guy that ended his life to spite at me, he won Hannah! He won! He knew it would do this to me.." I whispered.
"Catherine, he was sick."
"Yes, he was sick, now he's dead, I'm the one suffering. This is what he wanted."
You can't leave me.. It's like I heard his voice clear as day.
"Catherine .. Look at me! Don't get lost on me again. Keep talking!"
I couldn't breathe, air wasn't entering my lungs. I grabbed her arm.
"Breathe," she said. After a few minutes my body relaxed. I released my grip on her. She jumped up on the counter, sitting directly next to me. We sat in silence for a moment.
"Catherine." She finally said. I looked over at her. "The pills aren't working, the dreams keep coming, the fits happen more frequently now, you're not telling us everything." She paused, "Something's got to give."
I didn't know if I was ready but she was right.
"He left scars," I quickly said.
I turned and looked right at her, "No, scars that no one can see."
"Ready to talk about that night?" I nodded, she grabbed my hand and I squeezed it tight. I closed my eyes and forced myself to go back to that night, the night that changed everything.
I stood at his door.
"Why am I here?"
He opened the door wider and invited me in.
"I can't be here long."
He walked into the living room, taking a seat in his favorite spot.
I stood at his living room entry way, I had no interest in any of this. "So, what is it?"
He turned to me, grinning with those pretty pearly whites. That smiled I used to love so much made me so uneasy now.
"Why so serious? " He asked.