Chasing Home (NFL)

Feelings Evaluated

“She has no problem with secrets
She knows how to keep them
She never felt the need to let them show
And I've had no trouble with speaking
Or trusting my instincts
That maybe this is one that I should know
But as I'm waiting there
The devil on my shoulder stares
Laughing that the one thing I can't get
Is what I need”

– “She (For Liz)” by Parachute

Chapter 43: Feelings Evaluated

            Freya was on the edge of her seat as I told her the story that night. When I finished, she stared at me with wide eyes and said, “Whoa. And you didn’t say anything?”

            “I was in shock!” I exclaimed.

            “Why? I told you he likes you. I’m just surprised it took him this long to do something about it.”

            I shifted uncomfortably on the couch and glanced down at my lap. “I did not want to believe you.”

            “Why not? You should be thrilled. Tom is a great guy. And I’m saying that form knowing him as a person, not just because I’ve always loved him as a player.”

            “I know,” I said softly. I sighed as I looked up at her. “And it took me a long time to realize that. I’m just getting comfortable being his friend. Why does he have to ruin everything by throwing this at me?”

            Freya frowned. “I don’t think you’re being fair to him. He’s trying to deal with his own emotions, and you’re helping him, especially with your interest in Aaron.”

            “It’s not my fault I like Aaron and not him! He needs to get over it.”

            Freya crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure you don’t like Tom?”

            I opened my mouth to respond in the negative but closed it when I realized that I would be lying. I thought back to all of the times I had spent with Tom and how he made me feel. Sure, I was happy around him, but was that because of our friendship or something more? I had spent so much time denying any romantic attraction I had towards him that I was unsure how I really felt – and how strongly. “I’m not sure. I haven’t thought about it because I haven’t wanted to. Does it really matter? We wouldn’t be good together.”

            Before Freya could respond, my phone rang, causing me to flinch in surprise. I pulled my phone out of my pocket to see how was calling. “It’s Peyton,” I said nervously. I looked up at my roommate with wide eyes as a wild thought occurred to me. “He knows!”

            Freya rolled her eyes. “How could he know? He can’t read minds.”

            “That’s what you think,” I muttered. I answered the call and help my phone to my ear. “Hey, Peyton? What’s going on?” My nervousness showed in my voice, and I knew I must have sounded completely suspicious.

            “Lauren, what’s going on?” Peyton said in a knowing tone.

            I chuckled nervously. “Nothing’s going on? Why would you think that? Everything is fine.”

            “Lauren, I know something’s bothering you.”

            I hesitated before responding. “It’s nothing I can’t handle on my own.”

            “You can’t rely on yourself for everything. Sometimes you need to get help from others.”

            I knew he was right. I glanced at Freya, who was watching me with concern on her face. “I know. I have people here I can talk to. I’ll be fine, Peyton.”