Victory or Sovngarde

Chapter Thirty-Six

But the ramparts and barricades soon reminded me.

We stepped into Jorrvaskr. Everyone, minus Tyra and the children, gathered in our main hall. The usual spread of assorted foods and drink laid before us, though our stores were empty. This had been the last meal we could acquire after having given our excess supplies to the war effort.

On the eve of many a battle, Jorrvaskr was filled with laughter and merriment. Songs of past accomplishments hung in the air while meat roasted over the open flame. Mead filled every tankard under the roof. Cheery brawls broke out, usually ending in small wounds and bruised egos. In more recent years, the giggling of children, sneaking out of bed to watch the merrymaking, caught the hardened warriors' attention.

I wanted tonight to be no different.

I turned to one side of the dining hall, towards the lower-ranked members. Athis, Njada, Eirik, and Sofie clustered together with a look of trepidation on their faces. We all knew what was at stake, but we had to forget that tonight. "Njada! Get some music going!"

The silver-haired woman picked up a lute and began to strum. Sofie soon joined her with a drum. Together, they played a steady, warm tune that filled the hall with sweet tones. The mood within Jorrvaskr changed; the Companions started to chatter, smile, and laugh as they normally do. Vignar Graymane and Aela struck up a conversation about hunting strategies. Vilkas and Farkas soon moved to take their places at the table.

Even on the precipice of battle, I broke into a smile for the sake of my Companions. With all the anticipation we'd carried over the last months, our last celebration before the storm would be one for the ages.

I couldn't live in fear anymore. I'd spent half of my life on the run from the Thalmor. No more. Tomorrow, I was taking the fight to them. They were once again at my doorstep, but this time, they wouldn't chase me into the woods. This time, I wouldn't hide behind the trees as I held back tears for the loss I'd suffered. This time, I wouldn't leave my loved ones to fend for themselves.

I wasn't the farm girl anymore. I wasn't even the mercenary. I was Ylva Sky-Shatterer, Dragonborn, Harbinger, wife, and mother. I couldn't run from my fights any longer.

"My only fear is Tyra going into childbirth without me," said Farkas as the three of us started cutting into our food. "The gods have her in their hands, but I'm still worried about her."

"She's never faced this alone," added Vilkas with a knowing bob of his head. "But she'll be fine. She's surrounded by other women who've been through this before. If she does go into labor, she has an army of people to help her."

"Is it selfish to be worried about her?"

"No," I assured him. "You're a caring, loving husband who has a lot of concerns for his wife. That's normal. But she's not made of glass, brother. Your wife is a tough one."

"She has to be." Vilkas threw an elbow behind my chair and struck his twin in the ribs. "She's delivering your big-headed child."

"We have the same damn head!" The bigger of the two brothers tossed a hunk of bread at my husband, but both men had a smile on their faces as they teased each other.

Swallowing a gulp of water heavily, I got out of my chair and headed toward the back doors. I didn't want to leave the merriment, but I needed some fresh air. It was all I could do to keep my feet steady as I stood from my seat.

"Are you all right, love?" asked Vilkas as he started to follow me.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I waved my hand at him and laughed. "I just need a little air. I'll be right back."

Vilkas didn't protest, and I was able to leave Jorrvaskr without him following me. Once I was outside, I took a seat at one of the tables and filled my lungs with the crisp air.

I tried to remember what I felt like on the eve of my battle with Alduin. Before now, defeating that dragon menace was my biggest challenge. I never thought I'd find anything scarier than fighting the World-Eater himself.

It had helped that I didn't get a chance to breathe in between my fight with Odahviing and Alduin. I went from talking to the orange dragon to riding on his back as he carried me away to Skuldafn. I didn't get a chance to be afraid. Not like this, anyway.

I couldn't think about tomorrow. The battle would eat me alive before it even began if I allowed it. For now, the only course of action I could take was preparing for it without worrying about it.

Easier said than done.

I thought back to my visit with Danica earlier today. I'd gone to talk to her about her plans for after the battle, and in the process, she'd badgered me into a checkup before the big day.

I couldn't blame her for making sure I was fit for battle. After my rescue from the Embassy some weeks ago, I'd needed a lot of time to recover. Some days, I wasn't sure I was ever going to be the same.

Danica was just trying to be a good friend, and I had no reason to turn her down. I couldn't have known we'd discover something that would throw a wrench into the battle plans for tomorrow.

My wish for more babies had come true. I was expecting another child.

I had another little life growing inside me, and so new at that. I couldn't have conceived long ago, and to know I had a baby growing inside me made me even more nervous for the battle. If I told Vilkas the truth, he never would've allowed me to fight, but I couldn't very well leave my men to defend this front alone.

It was hard, but I just wouldn't tell my husband until after the battle. All I could do in the meantime was act like I didn't know anything. I just had to make it through this war-ending battle without letting the truth slip out.

"They're starting to miss you inside," chuckled my husband as he stepped outside to check on me. "Had enough fresh air?"

"I suppose so," I laughed back while I got out of my seat and stood next to him. "I don't suppose I should disappoint them."

"I don't know." Vilkas put his hands around my waist and yanked me into his body like a man dying. "We could let them drink on their own while we reveled in our room."

Oh, if only he knew just what position our "reveling" had put me in.

"Are you afraid, Vilkas?" I asked as I turned to look toward the horizon past the walls. "Do you fear what comes tomorrow?"

"The only thing I fear is losing you again." His grip tightened around me. "Barring that, I have no reason to fear. The gods brought you back for a reason, and if defeating the Thalmor was that reason, then what have I to fear?"

"You're right." I leaned into his body and closed my eyes while I tried not to let my mind wander to all the horrible scenarios tomorrow could bring. "Thank you, husband. You've given me the strength I need to face the rest of this feast."

"Then let's get back inside."

We walked into Jorrvaskr together, out of the dark night and into the warmth of our ancient mead hall. Into the faces and arms of friends and family ready for whatever tomorrow had in store.

We would not fear tomorrow. As warriors of Skyrim, we were honor-bound to defend her to the end. We would see to it that our motherland was free from tyranny once and for all.

Or we would die trying.