Silk [BOOK TWO]

Chapter 1 [Nat]

Four Years Earlier

"So," I started.

"So," Toby finished.

"What happens now?"

"Well, I get on that plane and-"

He didn't finish, but he didn't need to. I knew what that meant when Toby had first told me he wanted to go into the military I knew this day would come eventually. He seemed cool, calm, but some part of me knew his mind was going his million miles an hour. How could it not? He was being sent to another country, placed in the mild of another culture, and putting his very life on the line. He had every right to be nervous.

"Are you going to be good."

I blinked to fight back some tears, "yes. I'll be fine."

He sat his bags down, wrapping one arm around me and pulling me into his chest. I dug my nails into his uniform, wanting to savor the moment. The smell, the way his arms felt wrapped around me. I wanted to one day, maybe years from now, wrap my arms around myself and feel like Toby himself was by me.

"You don't have to be strong all the time," his voice broke at the end. I sniffled to no avail, tears streaked down my cheek in dramatic fashion.

"Don't go," I begged into his chest.

He pulled back, taking my head in between his hands, "I love you so much, Nat. I'm coming home and I'm going to hold you and love you and kiss every inch of you."

I stood on the tips of my toes, brushing our lips together. He took the hint and captured my lips with his. His hand snaked down my waist, holding me by my lower back. I could feel the tears slipping down his cheek. I broke the kiss, opening my eyes, and using my sleeve to wipe his eyes.

"I love you, Toby. You come back to me," I placed my hand on the side of his face so he was forced to look me in my eyes, "do you understand me? Come home to me. In one piece."

"I promise."

A voice came over the loudspeaker signaling it was time for them to leave. I saw all the families, everyone with tear-stained clothes and red cheeks. I had to force my chest up and down, breathing felt impossible. The sadness I felt didn't feel real. I had to continually pinch myself to remind me that I wasn't dreaming. This was real life.

Toby took his bags in his hand, "I'll see you. I love you, Natalie."

"I love you, Toby. Be good and come back to me."

He kissed me once more. A sweet, tender kiss that was far too short. I wanted him to hold me again, but just as quickly as the kiss had begun, he was disappeared into the crowd of running soldiers. It had been a long time since I had felt this numb. Like my fingers and toes are nonexistent like I had just walked into a freezer. I used the back of my hand to dry the rest of my tears, wrapping my arms tightly around myself and walking to a nearby chair.

There were wives and husbands and children standing at the window waving. The plane started down the runway, picking up speed until it was just a speck in the sky. I buried my face into my hands, tears flowing with such intensity that I had to fight through them to breathe.

"Come back to me," I mumbled silently, "please God bring him back to me."

I took a deep breath, allowing myself to come back to reality. An older woman slid in the seat beside me, offering me a box of tissues.

"Thank you," I sniffled, taking one and drying my eyes.

"How long have they been in?"

"This is his uh, first deployment."

"Aw," she rubbed my back, "a little secret. Between me and you. It doesn't get better."

I laughed dryly, "thanks."

"I'm serious. Every time they leave it'll feel like you're dying. But, just before you get too overwhelmed. There they are. Waiting for you like they never even left."

"How long have you been doing this," I took another tissue.

"Ten years. When I became Mrs. Newman, my wife told me this was what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to serve and I couldn't stop her. I didn't want to. When she talked about it, she talked with such intensity, like she could pick a gun right then. I would be heartless to try and stop her."

"Don't you worry," I paused, "if she'll come back."

"Every single day. Even when she's not deployed, I worry. Then I think, she wants this. And, God forbid, if something was to happen, she would be happy. She would be smiling, she would be content and that's what propels me through the days. Especially the extra rough days, I think about her smile and how much she enjoys this and I'm content. I have peace."

"How long does that take," I sniffled with another dry laugh.

"It can take forever, but sometimes it's instant. It overwhelms you, my mother-in-law said it was God with one eye on you. Whatever you want to call it, it's peace and you don't have to worry about anything."

"Thank you, I'm Natalie by the way."

"Sophia," she held out her hand and I shook it gently, "are you and him married?"

I laughed, remembering, "no. Not for lack of trying though."

She nodded almost as if she knew, "I said no the first time too. I was terrified. Why'd you say no, if you don't mind me asking."

"We're young. I don't want to rush anything."

"Do you think he's the one? Your soulmate?"

"Honestly," I bit my lip, "yes. That's scary to admit though."

She smiled, "you remind me a lot of myself. Don't worry, it gets a lot less scary."

She stood up and dusted off her pants. I looked at my phone, noticing the time, I stood up too. The sky outside the airport was almost pitch black. I held my hands out to her again.

"It was nice meeting you."

"You too Nat," she reached into her pocket and quickly scribbled something, "if you ever want to talk. I'm here."

"Thank you. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."