gobble me, swallow me, drip down the side of me

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woahkay ik it's been like a whole freaking month since i updated but hear me out, times have been busy bc i'm a good student that spends time on hw :) also i've been trying to spend less time on my ipad since i'm already sitting in front of it for like seven hours every day

i feel like i've been gone from this one book for too long bc i wanted to rant about something but then it didn't feel right like i used to write every freaking thing but now it feels wrong :(

anyways i took a test today and i had to keep telling myself to slow down bc i didn't want to rush through it and have my teacher be disappointed in me so i had to slow down. the only problem with that though is i started thinking too much about the questions and i got all fidgety (so like rolling my chair around, changing my sitting position, bouncing my leg, tapping my pencil or my hand against stuff, running a hand through my hair, etc.) and i started stressing over the answers and that stress kinda turned into exhaustion so i just felt very sad :(

but after lunch i felt great and i ended up getting a 90 :))

you know what tho i have noticed that i fidget a lot like it's really hard for me to not be moving something like right now i'm moving my fingers and my hands so i'm fine but when i stop typing i start fidgeting again, i rock back and forth i just constantly keep moving.

i realized how much i binged over quarantine and like it's a lot. i binged black butler, glee (again), i finished she ra, avatar, legend of korra, community, i restarted a series of unfortunate events, i started julie and the phantoms, i started the promised neverland, AND i'm getting ready to start haikyuu like excuse you, honey you should be doing college work all summer, what are you doing binging shows?

janus and logan make me so freaking hngghhh like what do you call it?? gay?? bc it's not straight bc i'm not female, but it's also technically not gay bc i'm not a male so ?? we'll stick with gay

nothing else really happened, i had a super awesome dream a couple days ago. basically, character one, me, was kind of being like groomed by the head of the group horde thingy (it was kind of like a she ra situation, like the bad guys raise the kids to think they're the good guys and the rebellion are the bad guys) and she groomed character one by like doing them favors and giving them answers to tests to show that she thought they were "special" and to show that she was trustworthy. all of character one's friends kept getting upset with this, character one interpreted this as jealousy, and this just pushed them farther into her hands. i didn't get any farther than that but i have been theorizing that eventually character one would fall really far into her clutches and their friends would end up joining the rebelling and try to convince character one to join them but they'd protect the leader lady and there'd be a whole badass fight (again, think adora and catra) like shfkdhsk it sounds so cool and it was amazing to experience as a dream bc i usually have nonsense but this was fully fledged out and awesome.

also my teacher started watching my yt videos like fhdjks and he liked them wHAT-

oh and today i was like freaking out bc my friend's edit was on this edit compilation with really popular editors and i sent it to her bc i was so proud of how much progress she's gone through since i first started following her and first talked to her and i didn't even think about how she probably had school so i was a little like dampened when she just replied with ooh but then i was like oh, she probably isn't able to watch it yet. so i just decided to tell her myself and it was a much bigger reaction, which was actually really relieving bc i was scared i looked stupid for freaking out over it and she was probably like used to the popularity.

but yeah i was very proud and i just started reminiscing about when i first followed her. she popped up in my recommended to follow and i checked her out, bc her pfp at the time was like thomas sanders or dan and phil or something, and her edits were all like be more chill and sanders sides and dan and phil so i was like "sick dude, someone who likes literally everything i like" so apparently i was one of her first followers :)) then almost a year ago, she was celebrating some follower milestone like 400 followers and i think i was either delirious or calming down from a mental breakdown so i was like "you know what, texting her is a good idea and there is absolutely no way this could go wrong and she'll think i'm weird and it goes nowhere :))" so i replied to her story to congratulate her and after that initial convo i just sent her (reenactment)

"TALENT
Talent
TALENT
TALENT
TALENT
TALENT
TALENT
HEY YOU
YOU GOT TALENT
UWU YOURE REALLY AMAZING
HEY
I THINK YOURE REALLY COOL
I LIKE YOU A LOT
MAYBE WE SHOULD HANG OUT OR SOMETHING"

and looking back on that i kinda cringe bc we should definitely not spam people just in case they get annoyed or it ruins their mental health but i didn't think of that and it actually initiated more convos so i started voting for dts on her story and texting her more and i'd like to believe she's one of my good friends :)

how did i end up ranting about her dang hold on lemme get back on track

basically that's it but i love ya buh bye!

9/17/20

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