Helplessly in Love: A Taylor Lautner Love Story

Chapter Twenty-Nine - Expiramenting

“You completely over-exaggerated this,” I told Ryan as we walked up to the movie theater. 

“Yeah, well. I had to do it or else you wouldn’t have come with me,” he said. When he said ‘going out,’ I pictured a crowded house full of alcohol and teenagers. In other words: not my thing. This movie theater was much better than what I had in mind.

“True,” I admitted, looking down. When I looked back up he was staring at me.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said, shrugging as he pulled out money for our tickets.

“That’ll be eighteen dollars,” the lady told him, he handed her a twenty.

“You don’t have to,” I started to say. 

“I want to,” he said, smiling. I looked down again and shoved my hands in my pockets. 

“Ya’ll have a nice night,” the lady told us. Ryan blushed ever so slightly and nodded at her; my stomach plummeted to the ground.

I’d been trying to fight this for so long, but I knew I’d have to face it sooner or later. I knew that Ryan most likely had feelings for me, but I honestly don’t feel that way for him. I probably wouldn’t have been able to get past these last few months without him to help, and I’m truly grateful to him for that, but I can’t do that again. It’s too soon for me.

He hasn’t said anything about it yet, but I can see it in his eyes, the way he’s always too eager to spend time with me.

Kendra agrees with me because she’s seen it in action. But then again she also understands my behavior regarding the break-up.

Ryan is such an amazing, funny, talented, handsome, intelligent, caring, and kind person, and every moment I spend with him is another moment I roll around in my own guilt. He shouldn’t waste his time on me, hoping that we’ll ever get together. He deserves to be happy with someone who will appreciate him for all his worth. Not just the friend part. It’s not his fault that I don’t think I can love him, not at all.

It’s all me.

I’m literally broken.

I know that no one is able to put me back together but one. And he’s not here right now. He’s probably never coming back again.

I feel so much guilt, and sadness for Ryan because he probably thinks he’s just taking it slow with me, giving me time to heal, like a gentleman. I don’t know how to tell him that this is probably as far as we’ll get together. Friends.

But I couldn’t hurt him that way.

So I’ll stay quiet about it for now, until I absolutely have to say something.

“Are you hungry?” he asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Not really,” I said. “But I would like a drink.”

He bought me a coke and a medium bag of popcorn for us to share, just in case I got hungry. We were supposed to see a scary movie tonight, which was great. Anything but romance will do.

In the theater, we still had about ten minutes until the movie started, so Ryan talked to me.

“This isn’t so bad, is it?” he asked with a smirk.

“No…” I trailed off. I couldn’t be sure because the movie hadn’t even started yet.

“You’ll love it,” he said anyway.

“I hope so,” I popped a piece of popcorn in my mouth. “How was work today?” I asked. I hadn’t seen him at all because I tended to stay inside my office nowadays.