Chapter 18 Reflection

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Lying in bed Serilda watched the fan spin slowly listening to the sound of the raindrops dancing on her window. Normally she would be out having fun enjoying the summer rain that they hardly get but not today ever since the talk on the mountain. 

Tai has kept his word and stayed away from her. No conversation outside of classes. No eye contact. It was tearing her apart and instead of being angry about it she sulked.

A burning pain flowing through her body and an empty coldness inside her chest like all her blood, life and soul has been drained leaving her a hollow shell.

She knows what is causing this but whenever the thought shows their faces she shoves them into the back of her mind denying its existence but knowing it's there and that the pain she's feeling won't stop is what's tearing her apart. She needs to fix this, needs to face this. Face him.

How could she? She had hurt him so badly that she fears that if she confronts him and slips she could lose him forever.

She could see it in his eyes, she had broken his heart. Her words were like a knife that stabbed him repeatedly. Twisting it with every word tearing at the flesh and muscle.

Whenever she's around him she can not only see his pain but feel it. It's the most excruciating thing she's ever experienced and can't stand seeing him. It's too painful she doesn't know what to do. It's not like she has a mom to go to about this.

Realization hit her she jumped out of bed ran to the desk in the corner of her room with a lit candle. She began writing to her mother. The one she left for selfish reasons.

"Desperate times, desperate measures." She said to herself as she kept writing.

Dear Mother,

I know I haven't written to you since I left. I just needed some time but now I need your help. I never thought I would need to come to you with boy problems. There's this boy Tai and we got in a fight. He told me that he liked me, and I pushed him away, I started yelling saying that I don't like him, but I do like him, actually I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him. I hurt him like I hurt everyone else I love and I don't know how to fix this I am afraid that I will lose him forever. I can't stand being around him it's too painful. Please help me, I know you have every right to be mad and I understand if you don't write back. Just know I am coming to you for help because for once in my life I want to fight for something, for someone and I am willing to do anything to get him back. I need him I love him and without him I feel empty.

Love forever,

Your daughter Serilda

She read it over four times and once satisfied with the outcome she folded it up and put a seal on it. She placed the letter on her desk until morning when she can send a messenger to deliver it. A sense of peace set over her and she was able to go to bed. For the first time in a whole week she was able to sleep.

The next morning she finally had something to look forward to. which she hasn't had in a while. If her mother writes back and tells her what she should do then she might just get him back and she won't lose another person forever. She watched as the messenger disappeared. Eager for a response every day she went out to see if the messenger returned. For a whole week nothing.

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