Tuesday

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September 23rd. 6:27am. I knew what day of the week it was, it was Tuesday. I knew I wouldn't have much of a choice on going to this "grief group" my mom suggested. It was only my second day of school that I actually intended on attending. The first was last Wednesday, but it wasn't what I expected, I expected everything to be back to normal- like it'd just be a normal day but Angie would be sick. But it wasn't.

I got almost 150 hugs (I counted) and maybe 200 "sorry for your loss"'s, and about 70 "you're in my prayers." All I saw were empathetic looks, saying "sorry. Sucks to be you." I tried to smile but I found myself crying by 5th period. I went to the parking lot. It was where everyone smoked, and a lot of them were unstable so it wasn't an usual thing to cry.

I thought my best friend, Travis would at least talk to me normally, but he didn't. That's the thing- when someone significant dies, you don't want all this pity, all this sadness. You just want something normal, happy.

My sister, Melissa drives me to school like we use to do, but now, she has a boyfriend, Dean. I could tell he was a douche, just like Mel's other boyfriends. I didn't say anything though, she was happy. So I was happy for her. When I we arrive at school, Mel and Dean make out for a while, I guess that I'm expected to leave, so I do.

I pass a wave of empathetic faces, but then I come across one that isn't, it's just sad. I then realize I'm seeing my own reflection. It's me. Brown hair, blue eyes, pale skin that's barely seen the sun, and pure sadness. Maybe that's why everyone gives me all these looks. I seem to be asking for them. I must seem to be pathetic. I try a smile- but only manage halfway, which is all I need, a normal face.

Time passes by and soon it's lunch. At first I look to an empty table, but then I spot familiar faces. Travis, becca, Lindsay, and Eric. My, friends. I breathe in and walk towards them.

"Finn" eric says, looking concerned, "how ya holding up?" He asks.
I clench my jaw and place my tray down beside Lindsay. "Good. I'm good."
Becca smiles. "Good." Travis takes Lindsay's fries and she swats him. Mouth full of fries Travis says, "How's Mel? Her tongue infected from that street whore yet?"
"Travis!" Becca squeals. Travis puts up his hands in defence. "What? Just ask' a question." I chuckle.

"Nah, uh, it's ok. She's good, happy. I'm patiently waiting until he breaks her heart and I have to listen to Taylor swift threw the walls for 3 weeks straight." I tell them. Travis grins.

"So, bud, what ya got planned for tonight?" Travis stuffs another fry in his mouth then leans in close to me. "I met these really hot chicks, Amber and Alison. Really big," he gestures with both hands to his chest. I laugh.

"Thanks, but I think I'll pass." I tell him.
Travis shrugs, "More for me." He says, chuckling. I shake my head.

More time passes and in no time I'm back in the car with Mel and Dean. It feels like déjà U, drive home blasting crappy hits, make out, I leave.

When I step inside my mom holds a plate of cookies and a wide smile.

"What the hell's up with you?" I ask her, dropping my bag.

"How was your day, honey?" She asks me.

I shrug, "better." My mom puts the plate on the counter and I take a cookie.

Mouth full i address what this is really about, "I'll go to the group, if that's what you're getting at." She somehow deflates, "oh thank god." She says, her voice relieved.

"What time is it at?" I ask her, taking another cookie.

My mom checks her watch. "About 10 minutes ago, we gotta jet." She grabs her coat and with that we're off.

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