» Chapter 47

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---- [T -> J] ----

T: I suffer from CHS (Can't hear shit) I will huh tf out of you

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J: Roy almost got fired from another temp job today because HR asked him if he called his co-worker stupid and he said "no, I asked her why shes so stupid"

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T: Important fact of the day: Dickie got Kon a t-shirt that says "Yeah no, sex is great, but you ever had a sun chip?" for his birthday and he is wearing it today and it does look fantastic on him

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J: Some of you still don't eat the crust on ur pizza like absolute fucking cowards. its just bread. are you a toddler? does ur mommy tuck you in? eat the crust stupid baby

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T: Sorry mate can't talk right now I'm being chased by a lit trail of gunpowder
J: Hey what's that pouring out of your pocket?
T: oh god

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J: Once I told Roy he needs to work on his inner turmoil. He screamed at me that he had no such inner turmoil, and then proceeded to go to the roof during a thunderstorm to scream at God to strike him with lightning

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T: When he tells me to mind my business. Stan. King of keeping me in my lane.

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J: It takes a lot of heart to be this stupid. It takes a lot of strength not to know shit about fuck

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T: My toxic trait is that I set a budget for myself and then proceed to go over that budget by an offensive amount

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J: Asked Roy how is date went and he said "I blocked his number while we were at dinner"

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T: Apparently "the vibes are off" isn't a good excuse to leave work early

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J: I'm gonna eat this entire jar of salsa and nobody's gonna stop me
T: Jason
J: One person is gonna stop me

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T: behind every man is a woman who had to take matters into her own hands and frame the servants because her husband panicked in the middle of assassinating the king

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J: You're laughing. Our foolish daughter rejected the suit of Mr. Collins are you're laughing.

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T:  Fun ways to respond when relatives ask why ur still single
T: -Alack, what noise is this?
T: - Ask me not
T: - Speak no more
T: - Away, you rogue, away!
T: - Is this the dagger which I see before me, the handle toward my hand?

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J: By age 30 you should have
J: - Mental anguish
J: - A thirst for revenge
J: - A claim to the throne of Denmark
J: - An uncle who is also your stepfather
J: - A court jesters skull that symbolizes the inevitability of death and decay

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T: Mostly I miss attending country balls, refusing to dance with anyone I don't already know, and saying "She's tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me" in reference to the women I will one day marry

---- [Proof god is dead] ----

W: ok ok Gen Z as teachers
J: "it's the lack of knowledge for me ❤️"
D: "✨an A✨ but make it an F🧚‍♂️"
R: "if you saw me cheating no you didn't"
T: "I don't wanna manifest you fallin but don't lean back in your chair or your gonna get vibe checked, queen 💅"

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W: Timmy, you know Roy will never agree to this plan.
T: Sure he will
W: We've already asked him three times, he won't do it
T: let me try
T: Roy, can we-
R: yes.

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D: Timmy, remember what I taught you?
T: The biggest red flag on a man's bookshelf is a hollowed-out book that contains evidence of his dastardly schemes
D: no- well, yes, but I meant the other thing

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R: So I know I said I was going to go to a therapist
R: but instead
R: I took that money, and I went and got a tattoo

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D: Tim and Jay were fighting in the kitchen and as Tim made food and Tim just paused dramatically in the doorway, announced "I am taking my soup, and I am taking my crackers, and I am going to watch The X-Files, and you are not welcome to join me."

---- [T -> J] ----

T: Mulder is such a bitch I love him
T: I also love that he is definitely the bottom
T: Like this is 1993
T: Who was on the writing team with the balls to be like "um, actually he likes to get pegged" like WHAT

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J: Hey Tim? Take your sass, put it in your pocket
T: what?
J: your sass? Just put it in your pocket

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T: la la la trying not to die... la la la...everything is fine.

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J: we have to act fast! Quick, how many bones are in his body?
T: uhhh 206
J: Is that right?
T: Probably?

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T: Every friend group has a protagonist, a narrative foil, a love interest, an anti-hero, and an unreliable narrator

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J: I heard you got out of prison
J: I brought you a cat
J: Can I have my jacket back

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T: the sexual tension between me and anime in my watchlist that i will never watch

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J: I knew he wasn't straight! He hangs out with you too much!

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T: Wally?
J: No, the attention-loving one
T: Dickie

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J: I'm gonna hit that bitch till he breaks

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T: Uh, was there always that vast, completely smooth and featureless planet between Jupiter and Saturn?? Probably nothing. But it looks a little closer than it did yesterday?

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J: The bat?
J: No, I don't use it for- for sports
T: then what's it for man?
J: I like to commit property damage

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T: Beauty and the Beast is so funny, imagine you go out to town to run your errands and the entire population starts singing about how fucking strange yet fuckable you are
T: Everyone at the farmers market wishes to know me carnally

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J: Oh wow your already preparing for the alien invasion
T: There's an alien invasion?

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T: Well the good news is the planet were plummeting towards is the right one, so we're crashing right on target

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J: We snuck into your ship! And then we fell out of it! On accident!

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T: I cannot see, my eyes are not functioning
J: You have a bucket on your head
T: Oh, I fixed it. I had a bucket on my head

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J: So that was a fucking lie

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T: isn't that illegal?
J: Technically yes, but you only get arrested if you do it twice

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