Hajime is still sad-sequel to Freak Like Me

Komaeda's Monologue(TW)

   (So you all just accepted 'Hajime is still sad' as a title? It was supposed to be a filler but I'll probably just leave it now...)

   (uh, there are suicidal thoughts and an attempt here.)

    DON'T PROCEED IF THAT UPSETS YOU

   NAGITO POV

   I can see...all of the city from this high up. It's so pretty....so disgusting. 

   I lean over the rail; trying to see how far above the ground. With a drop that far it will probably kill me instantly, if I'm lucky.

   'Jump you useless trash. You're just a burden to Hajime, he pities you. He doesn't really want to be with you he wishes you were dead. Why don't you do something to make him happy for once..?'

   "Hajime...doesn't really think that." I answer out loud, not sounding so sure about my own words.

   'On the contrary! he's just too nice of a person to say anything, even to scum like you!'

   Could that...really be true?

   'So do both of yourselves a favor and die already!'

   I lean back over the ledge. Was this voice right? Should I really..?

   'You planned to do this all along, didn't you? So. Do. It.'

   It was true. I always intended to die, from the moment I escaped. This is my truth, what I hopefully hid so well. 

   There was no way I could go on living after all of that. I just...wanted to see Hajime one more time, spend time with him like we were a normal couple. I got to experience all of him.

   And that's why I pushed him away so suddenly. Because I decided I was done, ready to go, the moment I relived everything yet again for Shuichi and Kokichi. The moment I realized a happy ending was still far off-no, impossible. 

   I can't explain my reasoning too well, why I bought this ring for Hajime. It was a spur of the moment thing, a brief dream of a happy eternity with the love of my life. But I couldn't make that a reality. I shouldn't, he deserves so much better anyway. 

   I bend down and carefully remove my shoes, lining them up neatly. I take the ring and slip it onto my ring finger. Why? I don't know.

   I step up onto the ledge. I feel the evening air blowing out my hair, like...the world is kissing me goodbye. I hold out my arms with a smile on my face.

   I lean forward, hoping to just let myself fall naturally onto the pavement below.

   But before I can, something latches tightly onto the back of my jacket.