After The Dance (FOB FanFic ft. Panic! At The Disco)

~PART THREE~ [Chapter 47] Not Wanted (Patrick)

It's not like I didn't want to be that someone for her either. I still loved Lexy, but it wasn't in the same way I loved her back then. When I wanted to date her, marry her someday, and maybe even have kids with her. Now I loved her like...like a way you love an ex you've been with a really long time (not that I would really know). But I imagine it's a love where you realize that you're two different people than you were when you first fell in love. Where you realize that you can't provide for them what they want and need anymore. Where you still want what's best for them, even if it's not you.

And that's exactly what I want for Lexy - the best. And if going back to New Jersey was what was best for her, then so be it. I'll be there for her, telling her to call me when she gets there and to call me many times after that so we can stay in touch.

I shrugged my shoulders, and instead of explaining to them what I had explained to myself in my head, I simply replied, "They're just...not the same as they used to be. And I think that's why she left."

"That's why she left? Because things aren't the same as they used to be?" Catherine basically repeated what I had said. That sparked a conversation between the six of them where they were throwing out ideas as to why things weren't the same as they used to be. I shook my head and walked out of the apartment.

*****

I was walking through crowds of people, scanning the terminal for Lexy. I broke through the crowd and spotted her sitting in one of the many chairs facing the runway that was on the opposite side of the gigantic floor-to-ceiling window.

"Lexy!" I exclaimed.

She glanced over her shoulder at me and pulled her earbuds out of her ears, straightening her posture when she saw me. I began to run towards her. She stood up and I pulled her into a tight hug.

"I'm so glad I caught you before you left," I mumbled into her shoulder.

Lexy stepped out of the embrace and looked up at me, however, she said nothing.

"So...you're really going back?" I asked her.

She slipped her hands into the pockets of her jeans and she nodded her head, "Yeah...I mean, I just couldn't stop thinking about what my dad and-"

"Cut the bullshit, Lex. I know it's not about your dad." I interrupted her, hoping I was right, because for all I know, it really could be because she missed her dad and was worried about him. Because if that was the case, then I just made a fool of myself. But luckily my assumptions were proved right because her cheeks grew a bright red color and she averted her gaze to the side. "Is it because you feel like you're not wanted here?" I questioned softly.

"I wouldn't say not wanted..." Her voice trailed off.

"Oh..." I thought for sure that was the reason. "Is it because you just feel like you're the odd one out?" I took another crack at guessing.

"No...not even that."

"Then what is it, Lex?"

Lexy looked up at me with her blue eyes and said, "I don't really know why. I mean, I do. I do know why. I just..." She heaved a sigh, "Do you know how it feels to be taken out of a place you've grown up in for sixteen years and then be returned two years later? But the place isn't the same as you left it?" I stared at her blankly, not quite relating. "Probably not. You've lived in Chicago you're whole life. But it feels...it's the worst feeling ever. But leaving and coming back to everything different...I could learn to live with that. What I couldn't learn to live with was not being able to see you anymore. Because...because of her."

"Lexy..."

"And it's not because I'm jealous of her for being your girlfriend, but it's because I never liked her," She muttered, "I never liked Elisa. Not once. I mean, we acted nice around everyone, but that's beside the point. She...She was one of them, Patrick. The people who made fun of you. I couldn't stand the people who made fun of you. And just because you were fat and Pete wore eyeliner and Andy was shy and Joe was a little weird. It made me furious! And then you go and date her!?! What the hell were you thinking!?!"

Her voice had risen and she was starting a rant, "I tried to act like I was okay with it. I really did, for you. Because I care about you and all I want is for you to be happy, and if she was making you happy then by all means, go for it. But I just...I can't do it anymore. She's crossed the line. Telling you that you can't-"

"Flight 27 is now ready to board," The voice over the loudspeakers sounded and echoed through the airport, "All passengers of Flight 27 should now go to Gate E to prepare for boarding. Flight 27 is now ready to board. All passengers..."

"Well that's my flight," Lexy murmured, pulling out the ticket from her sweatshirt pocket and looking at it.

"So you're really leaving?" I asked her again, a tinge of sadness in my tone. She was my best friend and I was losing her again, who wouldn't be sad?

"How many times are you going to ask me that?" She giggled, trying to act like this was what she wanted. I mean, maybe it was, but...I know Lexy. And I know when she's lying. And she was lying. Big time.

There was a short pause where she just looked at me, as if she was waiting for me to tell her to stay. But when she realized I wasn't objecting to her going, she turned around and picked up her bag. "Hey, will you tell everyone I'm sorry but I had to do this?"

I nodded my head, "Of course."

"Thanks, Patrick." A half-smile appeared on her face before she bid me farewell and walked in the direction of the gate, where countless other people were headed.

Lexy pulled open the glass door and looked back over her shoulder at me. She kind of looked like she did on the first day of kindergarten, a scared and nervous look in her eyes but a reassuring smile on her face.

"Dad, I'll be fine!" She yelled playfully at her dad who was making sure she had her lunchbox, her notebook, her pencils, and so on while she was walking towards the bus with me and Catherine, who was a first grader who was given the responsibility to make sure Lexy's and my first day was as comfortable as possible.

"Okay, okay..." He sighed, pulling Lexy and Catherine's mom into his side for a hug, "Have a good first day at school, girls and Patrick!" The three of us boarded the bus and found seats somewhere in the middle. Lexy and I sat together while Catherine sat with one of her friends.

I was kicking my feet back and forth when I looked over at Lexy and saw her looking out the window, a smile that said she was excited for her first day but her eyes said something different.

And that's what it was like now. Her smile said she was excited to go back to New Jersey but her eyes said something different. But this time I wasn't going to be sitting beside her to tell her it was going to be okay.

"We're all in this together, right?"

Lexy laughed, "Right."

I raised my hand and waved goodbye, watching her turn around and disappear into Gate E. I dropped my hand to my side and frowned.

I managed to lose both of the girls in my life within a matter of a few hours. This is just great. Just fucking great.