My hands are shaking and I don't know how to make them stop. I've vomited a few times and I know I'm gonna vomit again. I've never felt a pain so deep in my life. Not when I killed my mum, not when my sister got stabbed. I don't know what this pain is but I want it to go away.
It feels like I've lost a son and at the same time, I feel guilty for saying that cah it sounds like I loved Mateo more than I love Zakai. My head's all over the place right now. I can't think. I don't wanna think.
"Babe, Stormzy's here," Bec said quietly from the bedroom door. "You in the mood or should I tell him to come back tomorrow?"
"Nah it's calm, I'll come, just gimme a sec." Even though he's dead, the world's still spinning. I have to get up and do shit even if I feel like sleeping all day. "Tell him I'm comin."
"Ok. Whenever you're ready." Becca's acting like nothing happened. She cried when the machine flatlined but she hasn't cried since. She's buried herself in Zakai instead of facing the pain. I don't blame her. Mateo's death has hit everyone so hard.
