The Editable Thought Database

Wanting

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I don't like the fact that sometimes I want something even if I don't know what I want. I'll be out of content to view but I'll want something to view. I'll want a video to watch, a meme to see, something. I'll want something. I'll want something and I'll start searching for what I want but I don't even know what I want. I'll input a keyword. Then I'll realize what I want won't come magically after putting in that keyword. Then I'll add another keyword. Then I'll realize once again how the world works. Then I'll delete the keywords. But I'll input more keywords. Different keywords. And the cycle goes on for at least five minutes. It's tiring. To want. And not even know what you actually want. I mean I guess sometimes you do know but you can't get it because it either doesn't exist or it's not under those simple keywords.

There's also knowing what you want but shouldn't have. Take suicide for an example. I personally don't believe suicide is the way to go. Wanna die? Die naturally. Don't say gravity is natural. Natural means = old age or illness. However so many things would be simpler if I died now. I wouldn't have to worry about life in Earth. Think of it man. No more pressure to have a pen. Thus no more pressure to write notes. Thus no more pressure to finish education. Thus no more pressure to getting a great paying job. Thus no more pressure to have money to spend. No more pressure to find someone to settle down with. Death removed all the pressure a pen places. Isn't that amazing? But no death isn't the right way. Not only does it go against what the Bible teaches me but it also hurts other people. Especially those dearest to me. Why would I do that to them? They don't deserve it. Back to my point: wanting what you shouldn't have.

And then there's knowing what you want and not being able to get it. Knowing what materials you want for a project or what parts you want for a higher quality of production. Knowing that if you had a better mic, your videos would sound nicer. If you had a better school system, you wouldn't be 2-4 years older than your peers. Actually, essentially knowing what you want for quality of life but not being able to get it because the world is a clock that works. It works and it doesn't work for free. Everyone works to gain something. And if you don't work, you don't get anything. But if you had this thing, this specific small thing, you'd snowball into a big hit. And so you want this small, specific thing. Knowing what you want but not being able to get to.

It's funny. I've never come across anyone who's wanted nothing. Like absolutely nothing. What would that look like? Would that person care for comfort or preference in any way? To want nothing would be to have no preference. They'd pick at random, have no bias or favor, perhaps fulfill essentials. They'd be so malleable. They wouldn't get mad for not getting what they're given at any time because they never wanted it in the first place. It's nice to have things but there's no preference or care for things. They'd do work because they can or because they don't disagree with the cause. Not because they want to. They'd do other people's work unless a restriction held them from doing so. They'd be so chill. "hey what do you want for dinner?" The answer isn't "Nothing." The answer is "Anything". Unless they're allergic. "Anything except xxx." Or maybe they lack certain essentials. "My body needs iron so stuff with iron like xxx." They'd need things but they wouldn't want things. "This is necessary but if I can't get it then ok whatever I've tried every possible way to stay within the regulations and rules given to me but I can't get this so it's whatever." They're so chill. Maybe they'd be analytical. "Yes the movie was somewhat lacking an arc by the general standard. The action scenes were too long compared to multiple other movies, the actors did not portray the characters as well as actors xxx and xxx could have," essentially it goes on and on with the key point being neutral or comparing xxx subject to others of its kind.

And then there's wanting Cheonsa. But that's a different story.