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I've been dreading this day since I found out I was pregnant. My parents messaged me last week to send our butler to pick them up at the airport. When I read that reply, I felt my heart sink to my stomach. Since Drew and I are the only ones that know my secret; I could still pretend that my life wasn't turning upside down. I wasn't ready to deal with everything just yet.

To prepare myself, I would stand in the mirror and practice my grand speech. Knowing me, I would probably forget the entire speech I created and blurt something out. Either way, isn't blurting it out easier, or should I ease it into the conversation? No matter what, I know how it's going to end. With my father hating me.

Lately, all I've been wearing these days were hoodies and leggings. The good thing is that it's winter and I have a reason for wearing hoodies. I've only been pregnant for two months, meaning that there wasn't much weight gain yet. I spent countless afternoons staring at myself in the mirror, imaging how I look with a baby bump. 

After watching more videos about pregnant mothers, I started getting more nervous than I already was. I'm definitely not excited about the stretch marks that are bound to appear. It's a ridiculous thought, but I don't want my body to be hideous afterward. My self-esteem was already low before gaining weight and I couldn't imagine how I'll feel after. 

The past weeks, I've been contemplating whether or not to drop out of school. The whole pregnancy issue brought me down. For the first two weeks after finding out, I stopped going to school. There was no motivation to get up and go learn. Staying in bed and crying sounded like a better idea. Might as well re-do junior year, I won't be passing this quarter anyway. Even my tennis coach kicked me off for academic discipline; not like I've been going to practices either way. 

Hearing the physician confirm that I'm pregnant was heartbreaking. I was overwhelmed with fear mostly and many other emotions. Right, when she told me, I broke down crying, my chest hurt so much from the hysterically crying. Drew was there to give me support, but I wish I had Imogen. Imogen was my safe place but not my safe place was nonexistent. Her messages were left unread and my heart longed for her company. I feared I ruined our relationship because of Drew. Not only was my relationship ruined with her but Drew's was as well.

Drew. He's a whole other issue. Pregnancy hormones were no joke, days I longed for his embrace than during nights I kicked him out because of Imogen. Were supposed to be soulmates but we're so incompatible. We already started arguing about basic issues, like the doctor to deliver the child.

He loved Imogen while I loved him. Drew already made it clear that his feeling was always going to be for Imogen but he still tried forcing it to work with me. Why? He didn't want to be like his father and I understood that. But we couldn't force something that one of us wanted no part of. 

One night he explained how much he would love if our child grew up with us together. Going out together, playing at the park, going on vacations; acting like a real family. It sounded like a dream; something I wished I grew into. Maybe, my heart longed for him because he's like a dream. But dreams are meant for sleeping not for living. 

It's too late, I already fell hopelessly in love with a boy who's heart is connected to someone else. The next seven months are going to be hell. I needed to find anything else to do besides spending my day with him. Suddenly, a light kept flickering in my room, I glanced over to see my phone buzzing on my bedstand. 

From Drew

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