•texts•

chapter 3

                                    worry

4:17 am

i wake up early again. i don't really get why this keeps happening, maybe it's just stress or something. i get up and walk to the bathroom mirror. my dad left a mark when he tried strangling me yesturday. i can't use my turtle neck again, since it's dirty. i grab a scarf, and wrap it around my neck. it'll do. my cuts haven't healed, they're still kinda open.  i grab the razor, and add 4 more to each arm.

damn it, what are you doing, kageyama?!

i continue to ignore the voice in my head as i wrap up the bloody wounds. i exit the bathroom, and put on my uniform. my dad wakes up late, so right now is a good time to go on a long bike ride. i'm only wearing my uniform so i don't have to go back to pick it up. that'll definetly wake him up. i'm skipping my team's little time-switch practice. if i go, they'll know i saw the texts. i hop onto my bike, and keep peddling until 7:29. i was so worked up and stressed, that i haven't even realized i've been biking for over 3 hours. i arrive to the school, and make it to class. i was sweating like crazy, but my BO wasn't too bad. (lmfao) i decide to skip 1st period, just so i can get a refresher. today's gonna be a long day, i know it.

                   hello, time skip 😺✌️
                

it's 2:36. right now would be the time that afternoon practice starts. i arrive, just to make it more realistic that i was completely clueless on their little scheme, but i see coach. he's standing there, as if he's waiting for someone. as i'm about to walk out of the gym, i hear him call for my name.

"ahh, kageyama. there you are."

i turn around. "what do you need, sir?"

"i'm a...i'm a little confused on your new behavior."

oh my god. is he talking about my "dictator" personality? damn it. "look, i don't know why people keep saying my attitude changed, but-"

"it's not your attitude. it's what you have been wearing lately."

shit. he noticed? i can't tell him the truth. "what about it?"

"you literally wear sweatshirts while exercising.  does that not seem strange to you?"

"i just get cold easily." i lied.

"your wearing a sweatshirt AND a scarf today. it's summer. 100 degrees outside. you shouldn't be cold."

i start to panic. "..i'm just gonna go-"

"stay." he cuts me off.

"look, i really need to get back home, and-"

"kageyama, as a player on the volleyball team, and someone who's in the starting lineup, i can't have you acting like this. what are you hiding under those unnecessary clothing?"

i freeze. should i tell him? i don't know..

"you can tell me anything, i'm your coach, kageyama." he says, with a worried tone.

i stay silent.

"..do you cut yourself?" he asks, nervously.

i panic. "i'm gonna go. see you tomorrow, coach."

he doesn't stop me from leaving this time. i kind of made it obvious that i do cut. at least the words didn't have to come out of my mouth. i hop onto my bike, and ride home.

                                         -

when i enter the house, i notice my dad sleeping on the couch. i silently walk into my room, and look into the mirror.
damn, when was the last time i ate?
i never noticed how small i was becoming. i always told myself i don't deserve food, and my dad told me that as well, but i can't go on like this. it's soon gonna become very obvious that i'm not eating. i walk into the kitchen, and sneak a cereal box into my room.
finally, some food.
when i grab my phone, i see my notification box full of texts from the group chat. but a new number catches my eye.
oikawa.
why is he texting me? i click the notification, and read it.

"hey tobio, meet me at the pond."

i freeze. isn't he in the group chat about me? why would he wanna meet up? i ignore the questioning, and do as he says. he never gave me a time, but he sent it about 5 minutes ago, so i'm assuming he means now. i change into a new sweatshirt, and quietly exit my house.

when i get to the pond, oikawa is sitting there, feeding the fish with some bread. he turns his head in my direction.

"ahh, hey tobio! you left me waiting for 10 minutes!" he frowns.

"..sorry about that-"

"you look way taller and older than the last time we met. but i would say.." he pauses, taking a good look at my body. "you look like you've been starving yourself."

"i...what?" i try changing the subject. "why did you call me here anyways?"

"sit down next to me, kageyama." he pats the grass.

as i take seat, he looks at me in the eyes. "are you okay, kageyama?"

i freeze. no one has ever asked me that before. i stare at the pond, eyes widened.
"am i.. what..?" i can feel tears trying to slip out of my eyes.

"i asked if your okay. you seem way more sad, and recently-"

"..no.. i'm not." i feel my mouth blab that out.
"i..i'm not okay! not at all!" at this point, tears are streaming down my face. "how could i be okay when i feel so broken?! my father abuses me, i feel so worthless, and how could i forget my main problem?? my own teammates hate me so much, they made a group chat about me!"

he looks shocked. i'm assuming he never knew i found out about the group chat.

"kageyama, i-"

"don't even! aren't you in the chat?! i saw some of your texts, you know. one of them said i was so annoying, and how i kept nagging you about teaching me how to serve! why do you even care about my feelings?!" i pause. did i just say all of that..? i never let out my feelings to another person before.

"i..i'm gonna go. thanks for looking out for me." i get up, and walk away. oikawa sits there in shock. he's just staring at me while i walk away.

what does he know. he's living a perfect life.