•texts•

chapter 1

authors note!!!!!
this whole book probably finna be kageyamas pov, but i'll tell u when it changes 🙈

very angsty but enjoyyyy 😺✌️

               first day as a 3rd year.

9:26 pm

pov-kageyama

we just got back home from the hospital. i can hardly process what just happened.
my grandpa, he died.
my brain is spiraling. why did he have to die? did i not make a big enough effort to save him?

"this is all your fault, tobio!" my dad says, while swinging in a punch.

the impact makes me fall to the floor with a bloody nose, but i just sit there in shock.
why is he gone?
is it really my fault?
next thing i know, something sharp smashes on my forehead.
a beer bottle.
i slowly walk to my room, still processing what happened at the hospital. i plop onto my bed, and shut my eyes.

                                      🌙

4 months later
6:57 am

beep, beep, beep
i toss and turn, trying to ignore the obnoxious noise. finally giving in, i slam my hand on my desk, turning off the alarm.
i grab my phone and check the time.

"SHIT, IM LATE!"

i throw on my uniform, and look in the bathroom mirror to fix my hair.
damn it.
my dad tried strangling me yesterday, and he left a mark on my neck. a huge one. i grab a white turtle neck, and wear it to replace the normal one i had on earlier. i'm sure no one will notice, or think anything of it.
i run out of my room quietly, since my dad is sleeping on the couch. i look at the kitchen, and decide not to eat. i don't deserve food.
i head out the door and hop on my bike. my stomach grumbles, but i ignore it.

                               - at school -

as i finally arrive, i set my bike down near the racks and run inside the huge building. the tardy bell rings, which makes me anxious. i enter the classroom 'fashionably late', because no one was really doing anything yet. everyone was just getting their bags unpacked. i take a seat at my desk and stare out the window. i rarely pay attention in class, but no one calls me out. everything the teacher's saying is a blur, but finally the bell rings.
one period down, 6 to go.

doo doo doo time skip 😺✌️
(7th period just ended)

the bell rang, and i run to the gym with a jacket on (to cover the neck bruise). volleyball is my happy place. if i'm being honest, it's the only thing keeping me alive. i always come a few minutes early, but no one seems to mind.

"hey kageyama," i hear the coach say. "your quite early." i can tell he's questioning why i have a jacket on.

"...yeah, i like to practice before the rest."

"ok then, don't strain yourself." he says, in concern.

10 minutes of me setting to the wall pass, and the whole team is in the gym. we all warm up together, practice our serves, and then do a practice game. (4x4)
my team has kindaichi, kunimi, and hashikami.

the game starts, and it's the opposing sides turn to serve. the ball flies over the net, traveling to hashi. he hits it up to me, and as i adjust my position to the receive, memories rush in my head.

your dad.

your grandpa.

your mother.

make them proud.

i can feel myself starting to lose it. i have to win. i have to make my dad proud. i quickly set it to kindaichi, but when i turn to his direction, i see the ball barely reach his hand. he still hits it and get us a point, but it was very weak and sloppy.
how am i supposed to make them proud with that?! i bet grandpa's disappointed in me.

"what was that? a quick attack can't be sloppy!" i say, with a breaking tone.

kindaichi defends himself. "what did you expect me to do? i don't do quick attacks. i can't get to them fast enough, so stop setting them to me."

anger and sadness rush through my veins. "you should at least try! don't give up so easily!"

"i have been, for like the past 4 months," he says, angrily. "it hasn't been making any progress, so stop being selfish and set it the way i like it! because if not, your gonna be the cost of our loss!"

those words sting. selfish? i'm just trying to help us win.

"boys, stop fighting!" coach interrupts, "practice is over. go get your backs and change in the club room."

i walk alone, as they're all in a big group.
selfish.
selfish.
selfish.
i am not being selfish, right? i'm just trying to carry our team higher.

i'm just trying to make dad proud of me.

                                      🍓

i arrive home, and watch as my dad approaches me.

"how was volleyball?" he says, creepily. "did you play good? get any good sets or serves?"

"uhm.." i stutter. "i got a lot of good serves..."

"what about your sets?"

i stay quiet.

"tobio, are you avoiding the question?!"

"well.. they... they were good.."

he smacks me. "stop lying. you're such a disappointment. maybe a little punishment would teach you a lesson." he approaches me, but i'm unaware of what he's going to do. he grabs my wrist tightly, and drags me to his room.

shit.