the person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger

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this part and this song in general always get me like hfjdks

also you know you're obsessed with keyboard smashes when it autocorrects

school has been okay today, short activities, the only one i have to dedicate a lot of time to is world history bc i have to read this five page thing and like come up with 10 main ideas. and the main reason why i can never handle history class is bc of all the reading. ik that's weird bc english is all about reading but in english you don't have to read an entire chapter by yourself. there's audio books, it's self paced, the teacher reads it, or you do popcorn reading but in history it's just too confusing, no stories, nothing but stuff left to make me confused.

lok is cool but i still don't completely like korra like stop taking mako away from asami?? when they break up, sure, get your mans but she was very clearly flirting with mako WHILE he was dating asami (and kissed him too) and had the audacity to not tell bolin that she didn't feel the same way as him and freaking led him on like how dare?? honestly season 1 was a rollercoaster but i want more content from the gaang when they were adults. more flashbacks, maybe reunite toph, katara, and zuko (since sokka and aang are :( ...no longer with us) like i don't care about anyone in this show other than tenzin and his family, asami, bolin, and the original characters from the first series

OH and that finale to season 1???? fhdjks what?? that was crazy, 10/10 not expecting that

last night i was pretty upset bc i was reminded, yet again, why i don't open up to my family. i was joking around with my mom and then my dad says "oh so it's okay when you make her feel stupid but not when she supposedly calls you stupid" and lemme be clear, i never told my parents that i didn't like when they said that stuff about me getting dumber but i never laughed at it either. i expressed my discomfort, clearly said stop, and every other thing i could think of before i snapped and told them how i really felt. so it's not the same thing bc we both had a mutual agreement that it was a joke but they never made it clear that pointing out my insecurities was a joke, nor did i agree to that sentiment.

so that's why i don't tell them anything, they always say, "i'm so glad you're a happy kid bc i wasn't" and all this stuff like they don't really know a whole lot about me. they don't know that i'm really sensitive and cry at almost everything, they don't know that words always stick with me, it could've been a small second but it's stuck. for example, when i was little i learned a lot from movies and tv and i saw the "proper way" to show how serious you were was by storming off. ik that probably looked adorable, an eight year old storming off, but i really wanted to convey how hurt i was at the time and everyone laughed at me. and that's a huge reason why i don't confront my family about anything bc when i get serious, they see me as ridiculous or silly, they don't take my feelings seriously. and they probably don't know that.

they don't know that i get really tense and stuff when adults touch me in any way, especially men. i really don't know why but it happens. they don't know that i join clubs and say yes to everything bc i want to get more time away from home. they don't know that i used to get hurt when my "closest" friends would do everything without me bc i felt like they were my escape but they didn't care about me. so yeah, my family doesn't know jack about me and i can guarantee that there is not one person that does, i purposely keep stuff from people and ig that's why it's good that no reads this bc this is a lot of personal stuff that i don't really care if people know but i care if they say something about it.

that's it ig, love ya buh bye! :))

8/21/20

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