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The next morning I wake up still undressed, and Jack is gone. I guess this is becoming somewhat of a routine. I leave the warmth of my bed and practically crawl to the bathroom. I feel off today like something isn't right. Flashes of Nate's face appear in my mind. If I think hard enough I can still feel his lips on mine, but I can't do that. I have to push those thoughts out of my mind, or I'll be fucked.

I pull myself together, get in the shower, and do my hair, and makeup like I do every morning. Speaking of getting ready in the morning; what the fuck is school? I haven't been there in days, and to be quite honest with you, I don't really give all that big of a fuck. I leave my room, and go check the mail, when I walk outside there is about two feet of snow. Schools probably been called off these past couple days. Hm.

Anyway, I walk back in the house and throw the mail on the dining room table. Josh, and Nate come walking in the room, and Nate slings his arm over my shoulders.

"So your brother has already given me the third degree." He says, and I just shake my head.

"I just had to make sure everyone was on the same page." Josh says.

"Everyone's on the same page Josh." I say.

"Good." He says before walking away.

Nate turns to me with this look in his eyes. This sad look, like he's pitying me. "I'm sorry about last night." He says.

"Don't be sorry." I say, and wiggle out from under his arm. "I was the one who said we can't take this further than it already is. I was drunk." I shrug.

"Right." He says, and I walk away.

Well we're off to a great start, I haven't seen or talked to Nate in months, and this is what happens when we finally see each other. I walk downstairs into the "Party Room" aka Josh's room, and plop down on the couch next to Sabrina.

"Where have you been? I didn't see you last night." I say.

"I didn't feel good so I just stayed in bed."

"In what room?"

"The spare room down here." She says, and my heart sinks.

Sabrina doesn't know about me, and Nate. I tell Sabrina most things but that was something we kept to ourselves. We didn't want to chance it getting back to Josh. Plus towards the end we had been discussing stopping the 'relationship' so then there really wasn't any point.

"Last night?" I ask.


"All night."

"Yeah all night."


"I heard you, and Nate." She whispers.

"Mm." Is all I say.

We sit there silently while she watches TV, and I have a minor stroke. I have to talk to her I finally decide, and slide off the couch.

"Can you come here real quick?" I say before leading her to my bedroom.

"Wow so this is your room? It looks nice."

"Thanks. It's alright I guess." Our last house was much nicer than this, and my room was bigger, but anyway. "I want to talk to you about me, and Nate." I say.

"I heard everything last night Jay. And can I give you my opinion? I think you guys should go for it. I just can't believe you didn't tell me."

"I know but we couldn't risk it getting back to Josh. Josh didn't even know for sure that there was something between us, he just suspected it, then after that he stopped bringing Nate around. Not that it mattered if he was around, I felt so rejected. I mean I understand why he said we couldn't do anything. He doesn't want to go against Josh, but I wish he would..'ve. Would've." I tell her.

I'm trying real hard to fight my own mind on this one. I just keep picturing him, and us last night, just laughing, and then what happened when he helped me to bed. It has to stop, or I'm going to drive myself crazy.

"It can't happen." I say. "I really can't do it 'cause at the end of the day we're still not going to be together, and I'm going to feel that same shitty way, and I'm not doing it."

"I don't even know what to say." She responds. "That's fucked up.. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry." I say politely despite the fact that it's really pissing me off that people keep saying they're sorry for me. I hate feeling like people pity me. Don't pity me, I'm not a child, I'm an adult. I've dealt with bigger things than this. Trust me when I say I can handle this.

"It'll be all good." I say. "Shit'll work out."

I then walk over to my bed, and plop down, and exhale deeply. "So.. You, and Sammy." I say, and wiggle my eyebrows up, and down, and she just giggles. "Do you love him?"

"No I don't love him. Not yet." She has the largest smile in her face. "I'm so close to it though. I can feel it. It's like every time I look at him my feelings get deeper, and deeper to the point where I'm going to run out of feelings, and all that's left will be pure love."

"Ugh." I scoff, and smile at her. "That's fucking awesome, Sabrina. I'm happy for you. I like him, too. I haven't talked to him a whole lot, but he seems like a cool guy."

"He is." She says.

"How come it took you so long to make it official?"

"I was just nervous. You know things didn't work out with my last boyfriend, so I was just scared to make that commitment. We talked for a long time. We were practically dating. Just without the title." She says.

"I gotta go pee, hold on I'll be right back." I say, and walk into my bathroom.

"Someone is knocking at your door. Do you want me to let them in?"

"Yeah, please." I say before standing up to wash my hands.

When I walk out into the room I see Sabrina and Nate standing there. "Yeah that snow is really piling up." Nate says to make small talk.

When Sabrina sees me she excuses herself, and walks toward the door.

"Sabrina." I say, and she turns around. "Please don't say anything to anyone. Not even Sammy."

"I won't. I promise." She assures me before leaving the room.

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