So they started around the same time I started self-harming. The little voice in my head. At first I thought i was going insane, but I never told anyone about it. When I first started hearing them I thought they were just thoughts. Eventually I knew that it was a voice. I knew but I still never told anyone.
I mean yeah I'm eleven years old and I'm hearing voices most kids would run to there parents. I don't know why i didn't Maybe it's cause I'm a stupid piece of shit that is to afraid to tell anyone anything. Let's get back to the thoughts. At first they were just petite things like "your worthless" "kill yourself" etc; But as I got older around sixth grade my voice grew stronger. It was introducing me to new things. More self-harm. I did it nightly. The cuts looked like scratches in the beginning. He wasn't satisfied. He wanted more blood. Eventually it lead me to attempting to try to kill myself. I thought I could trust him. It told me to try to overdose. So I tried.... after I took the pills I realized what I did. So I ran to my mom and told her, she wasn't nessecerly in shock she called me a "fucking idiot" and took me to the hospital.
I got my stomach pumped and my mom told me I was starting therapy the next week. After a month of that she didn't think it helped so she sent me away to a group home.
I started going back to school the next school year. He came back this time stronger. I started cutting deeper. Seeing more blood. The thoughts of bleeding out satisfied him. He would go away for a while and come back.
Eighth grade was the hardest it was my first big blade. I used it once. I didn't get as deep as he wanted; but I lost a lot of blood. I passed out. My mom never found out.
The summer of 2014 I met the most beautiful girl ever. I met her at church. I am forced to go to church buy that day I'm happy I went. She was perfect. Her beautiful black dyed hair. Her black of mice and men shirt with a yellow logo. I went to shake her hand and I saw the scars on her arm I stopped the attempt to shake hands and I gave her a hug. Eventually I worked up the courage to give her my phone number. We planed to hang out the next day. And I asked her out the next day. Ever since then. She has helped me ignore my thoughts she has saved me from suicide and self-harm. I love her
I am now getting better at over coming my thoughts thanks to the support of my perfect girl friend.