⠀⠀⠀i ended up getting four hours of sleep that night. all i could think about was my day with louis. it had been awhile since i had actually gone out and had such nice conversations with someone. but why was that keeping me up at 6 a.m.? it couldn't be because i liked him.
⠀⠀⠀i woke up at 10, with dark bags under my eyes and a massive pain in my chest. the feeling would sharpen with each breath, making me jerk and grip my chest. i quickly grabbed my inhaler off of my dresser, assuming it was just my asthma acting up from the cold weather. i took a few deep breaths which helped a little bit. within 5 minutes it was just about gone. weird.
⠀⠀⠀by the time i had showered and ate breakfast it was already 11:30, and probably just about time for me head to louis's flat. i grabbed my phone, and asked for his address. he quickly responded, making me a bit more nervous to leave.
⠀⠀⠀i made it to his flat with a pounding heart and a flutter in the pit of me. i was excited to see louis again, but he made me nervous and i didn't know why.
⠀⠀⠀i knocked on the door, and within seconds louis swung it open with a quickness, grinning.
⠀⠀⠀"harold!!" louis greeted, smiling wider, "come in!
⠀⠀⠀i stepped inside, the warm aroma of clean laundry and cologne filling my nose.
⠀⠀⠀"lou, who's here?" a deep, strong-accented voice shouted from down the hallway. the mystery person appeared right next to louis shortly after, making my heart hurt a little.
⠀⠀⠀the boy was decently tall, taller than louis but not as tall as me. his skin was tan, covered in tattoos on each arm. he was absolutely gorgeous; there was no way louis was just friends with this guy.
⠀⠀⠀"zayn, this is harry. harry this is my roommate, zayn," louis gestured between the two of us. i gave zayn a slight, awkward smile, which seemed to make him feel a little uncomfortable.
⠀⠀⠀"nice to uh, t-to meet you. yeah. nice to meet you," i lousily stuttered, extending my hand to offer a polite handshake. he accepted it, as he stared at me with a puzzled look on his face.
⠀⠀⠀"alright well, harry, how about we go do something, yeah?" he looked up at me, obviously trying to break the awkward tension. i gulped and nodded, fixing my curls. i followed behind louis up the stairs to what appeared to be his room.
⠀⠀⠀"harry, lad, are you alright?" he asked, shutting the door behind him as i sat on the bed.
⠀⠀⠀"i'm fine. why wouldn't i be fine? i'm doing just fine. just peachy, yanno? your boyfriend, he's uh, he's lovely! glad i could meet him." my voice was cracking as i rushed and jumbled my words together. louis's eyes widened and his face morphed into surprise to my previous reply.
⠀⠀⠀"you think zayn is my boyfriend?" he exclaimed, with a smile of disbelief. "oh god, no. zayn is just a close friend, harry. we've been mates since a young age. and he's seeing someone, who is in fact female. he's not my type anyway."
⠀⠀⠀"well uh, w-what is your type?" why. couldn't. i. stop. stuttering.
⠀⠀⠀"i dunno, really. i like a boy who will listen," i'll listen, "likes the same music as me," i like the same music, "i guess someone who has a good sense of humor a-and i can be myself around easily, yanno?" me me me me me. all i could think was me! louis you're definitely talking about me! "what about you? are you, like, looking for someone in particular?" he added.
⠀⠀⠀"erm," i started, my voice at a soft tone, "it's not like i'm kinda like, looking for someone, but i think if i just, found someone who i like, then yeah." louis nodded slowly, his lips pursed as he stared at the ground, a slight cough escaping his mouth.
⠀⠀⠀"you alright?" i questioned as i leaned toward him and raised my eyebrows.
⠀⠀⠀"yeah, i just tried to cough quietly and just ended up doing a bad job of it really." his tone was almost sarcastic, leaving me to wonder what he was trying to say to me exactly.
⠀⠀⠀"how about we watch a movie, yeah?" he proposed, as i stood from the bed and took my coat off to be placed nicely on the edge of his bed.
⠀⠀⠀"what movie do you suggest?"
⠀⠀⠀"peter pan. i could watch that movie over and over." he scrambled through a shelf, a sound of clutter coming from his direction as he shuffled through things. he finally pulled out the movie, holding it up in the air. "whatdya say?"
⠀⠀⠀"sounds good to me."
⠀⠀⠀for the next 30 minutes, we watched the movie on the couch. louis watched silently, taking it all in as if this was his first time seeing it. i wanted to do the same, but my mind kept racing in a diatribe as to how he was so lovely, and bountiful. i didn't quite understand why i was feeling like this. just yesterday i had met him, and i was already starting to get feelings for him, which proved just how attached i get.
⠀⠀⠀i didn't want to get too ahead of myself, making myself believe that i could have a chance with louis. we were just friends, and i was being delusional for gaining feelings after one day. chances were: i'd tell louis i liked him, he wouldn't like me back, and i'd be back to square one- alone.
⠀⠀⠀"d'you ever think that captain hook was just jealous of peter?" louis asked, his gaze still planted onto the tv.
⠀⠀⠀"what makes you think that?" i turned my head toward his direction.
⠀⠀⠀"well i mean peter was triumphant and successful. he was young and mischievous. maybe hook was just jealous of him and didn't know how to handle it." i studied his expression of wonder, him not noticing my staring. quite frankly, i didn't really seem to notice it either. he was just so cute. i pursed my lips, gliding my tongue between them.
⠀⠀⠀quit staring, i thought to myself, he's gonna notice and think you're weird. but i couldn't stop staring.
⠀⠀⠀i gulped, almost hoping he would look over at me, and say, "oh harry, you're so cute. be my boyfriend?" but a boy can dream.
january 25th, 2012
⠀⠀⠀my desk creaked, as i sat down with obvious exhaustion in my expression. another sleepless night spent thinking about a certain boy, slowly came and went. it had been a few days since i had last seen louis, and not seeing him was almost eating me alive. he hadn't been in the few classes we had together, which was making me worry. now, i was sitting in my algebra class with a beanie concealing my bed head, and dark circles under my eyes. and even better, the pain in my chest had resumed from a few days before, and it wouldn't go away, which only made the start to my day worse.
⠀⠀⠀it wasn't hard to tell that i was pretty good at math. i was an a+ student when it came to algebra, and i was okay with that. i liked being a skilled student, but all of that was going down the drain lately. it's like i couldn't focus whatsoever. my head was starting to consist of just louis. louis this, and louis that, louis louis louis.
⠀⠀⠀sometimes i would think about if liking louis was worth it or not. because i was really starting to like him. and even though things were probably going to go downhill, i still continued to string myself along with a bit of hopefulness in my gut.
⠀⠀⠀i tapped my pencil against the side of my desk, multiple equations trying to solve themselves in my head. my left elbow was perched on the surface of my desk, my head resting nicely in my hand. my eyelids began to feel heavier, as images of louis popped into my train of thought.
⠀⠀⠀stop it harry, i thought to myself sternly, he doesn't like you.
⠀⠀⠀but that didn't stop me. i still thought about him, as i dazed away into my slumber, leaving me with an unfinished paper.
this is a short chapter i'm sorry ugh