I sit on a chair outside the interrogation room, clasping the armrests so tightly that I fear the plastic might break. I barely notice it, though, don't notice the plastic of the uncomfortable chair digging into my back, don't notice the worried glances the officer next to me keeps throwing at me. All I notice is Blue behind the thick glass wall, where she is being interrogated by Clarke. I can't hear what they're saying, can only see their mouths forming empty words, and it's driving me crazy, not knowing what Blue is talking about. I need to know. I desperately, desperately need to know.
Studying her I can see the mask of indifference she put on, but I know that it's nothing more than that - a mask. I can see her pain in the way her mouth is pressed into a thin line, can see the fear lurking in her eyes while she nervously eyes her surroundings. And of course, how could she not be scared? She just escaped Drews claws and now she's stuck in a small room with a stranger who's without any doubt going to make her talk about the things she went through. Of course she's scared. Fuck, this isn't right. She shouldn't have to do this, not now. She needs to rest, she needs...
"Fuck this." Jumping up from the chair I twist my hands in my hair and pull harshly, a gesture of sheer panic. I feel the officer's eyes on me but I don't look at him, not once. My eyes stay on Blue. She looks so lost, so fragile in her dirty, baggy clothes, nervously fiddling with her fingers, and my heart stutters painfully in my chest. Dropping my hands do my sides I try to take a deep, calming breath, but the air gets stuck in my throat when I see Blue gripping the table in front of her until her knuckles turn white, and I know that I can't take this anymore.
Fuck it. I have to be in there with her, to reassure her and to reassure myself.
„Officer! Let me in!" I demand, my voice too loud, too frantic for the small corridor we're in.
„We can't let you in there Styles, it's an official interrogation. It's against the law."
„I don't care about your fucking law! She went through all this, through this hell and now you make her sit in this fucking room with complete strangers and make her talk about it all without giving her something to hold on to!" Can't they see her crumbling? Can't they see that haunted look in her eyes, this emptiness that sends shivers down my spine?
I stare at the officer intently, willing him to let me in, to let me hold her, begging him with my eyes.
I need this, she needs this.
„Tell me one thing Harry. Is this about her needing you or rather you needing her?" he questions in a low voice, his eyes travelling down to where my hands are balled to fists so hard that the nails dig into my palms, dragging blood to the surface and I swallow harshly.
„This is about us needing each other."
"Shh, it's okay baby. It's okay." I pull her up into a standing position and wrap her up in my arms, feeling her way too small body shaking in my hold. Christ, she's all skin and bones.
"It's okay. You're safe." I see Clarke press pause on the voice recorder and shoot him a grateful glance, nodding slightly. He smiles back at me, giving me a thumbs-up to let me know that he's okay with me being in here. Bless this man, I always knew that he's the only useful one in this bunch of idiots.
I sit down in the chair I pulled Blue up from and pull her onto my lap where she curls up immediately, her head tucked into my neck so her tears soak my shirt but I couldn't care less. Just being able to hold her, to have her close when I thought that I might never get the chance to again is enough to heal a part of the ache that has been in my chest for the last three weeks.
I hold her tight, burying my face into her hair and not loosening my hold on her until I feel her sobs die down and her breath getting steadier.
Sniffing she pulls away from me and sits up on my lap, facing the two policemen across from us with an embarrassed little smile on her face. She doesn't have to be embarrassed, I think with a frown. If anything she should be proud, proud of going through all this and making it out of that hell, though I still don't have any clue how the fuck she managed to do that.
"I'm sorry," she mumbles in a small voice and both of the men smile at her in return, letting her know that there's nothing to be sorry about.
"Don't be sorry baby, you went through a lot. You have every right to be emotional," I assure her and press a kiss to the back of her head, ignoring her still greasy hair.
"Why are you even allowed to be in here?" Blue questions, turning to look back at me with her crystal clear eyes that now seem way too big in her eingefallen face.
"I charmed the Officer outside," I reply with the best cheeky grin I can manage considering the circumstances and much to my delight she actually giggles, just a small quiet sound but it's there and it makes my heart burst. My strong girl.
"It's okay for you to be in here as long as you keep quiet, Harry." Clarke informs me and I nod, thankful that he's breaking the rules for us.
"Okay, so back to where we were. Are you okay to continue Miss Lennon?" he questions Blue, his hand hovering over the start button of the recorder. I feel Blue straightening up in my arms, and, taking a deep breath, she nods firmly.
"Let's get over with this."
"So what happened after you were thrown into the van?" The officer questions and Blue tenses.
"I don't remember anything, I was drugged. I don't know for how long we drove but today we figured out that I was in Waltham anyway. It was a huge land mansion with a large storehouse where he kept me." A land mansion in Waltham? I never heard about that. And fuck, I thought I knew all about Drews properties. Apparently he fooled me just like he fools everybody else. That fucker. Hot burning rage curses through me when I think about him and I feel Blues hands wrap around mine in front of her body, her thumb running over the back of my hand in calming circles. My girl, she's here, she's safe and after all she went through she still cares about me and tries to calm me down. What on earth did I do to deserve her?
"A group of my colleagues is on their way to search through that mansion, I don't think he'll still be there but we still have to try. Now that we know about the drugs and the kidnapping we have enough evidence against him to keep him in jail for probably the rest of his life." Good. He never deserves to see the sunlight ever again. He doesn't even deserve to live another day if you ask me but I learned my lesson, no crazy revenge for me anymore. So instead of giving in to the rage that burns inside me I focus on Blues words, my eyes set on the blinking red light of the recorder.
"...it was a small room, plain walls. Everything was white. The floor, the ceiling, the walls, the door...everything. They gave me bread and water every now and then but nothing more." Bread and water? That explains why she's so thin. Christ, she's been living off bread and water for three weeks? The thought makes me sick, physically, and I tighten my grip on her, not sure if I'm holding her or holding onto her.
"They...tortured me, in different ways. At first they played the sound of water dripping through the room for hours on end. It almost drove me insane. Then they turned the lights off completely. Everything was dark, and quiet. There was just me and my thoughts and blackness and deafening silence and..." her voice breaks and I swallow harshly, my chest tightening with pain. I can picture it clearly, Blue curling up in the corner of a cold, sterile room, complete darkness around her and I flinch, feeling panic rose deep inside me. She must've felt so alone, so lost. And I wasn't there to protect her. The thought hits me hard, it's like a punch in the stomach knowing that she was suffering, all by herself and I couldn't help her, couldn't be there for her, couldn't do anything for her.
"Was there more than just the water and light torture?" Clarke asks carefully and when I feel Blue shiver in my arms I know that there was indeed more, so much more. Closing my eyes tightly I lean my head against her shoulder and try to brace myself for what is to come, although there's no way that I'll ever be ready to hear this.
"No, there was more. He...Drew had a room upstairs, just as cold and sterile as my cell but it almost looked like a surgery. I was in there quite a lot. And every time he came up with something new, he's very imaginative." Blues tone is dry, almost like she's telling a casual joke if it wasn't for the choked up note in her voice and I feel bile rising in my throat. Imaginative. What the hell did he do to her?
"Can you specify that, please?" Clarke asks, his eyes wide and I realise that he also spotted the bitter undertone in Blues voice.
"He dipped my head into a bucket of water, over and over again. He hit me, with whips and canes. He..." and she goes on, listing torture after torture while I feel the blood freeze in my veins. No. No no no. Not her. Not Blue. No. Biting my lip I desperately try to keep the sobs in, but the image of her lying in that room, Drew hovering over her with that fucking smirk on his face and a whip in her hand...it's too much. Hiding my face in her shoulder I let the tears flow freely, let them soak her hoodie, grateful that the fabric muffles my sobs. She notices anyway, though, of course she does. Shifting in my lap so she's facing me she pulls me closer to her, holds me tight and runs her fingers through my hair while pressing kisses to my cheeks, my temples. It's ironic, I think bitterly, how she's the once comforting me when it should actually be the other way round, but hearing about what he did to her...it's just too much. Taking deep breaths I let her touches calm me, and once she senses that I'm collecting myself she goes on, telling Clarke about how she managed to escape while I listen incredulously, completely overwhelmed by her strength.