30. Lost

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I'm sorry that it had to happen guys. I am sorry :(

I can't explain in words how Miles died.

It was peaceful for him. He looked liked he fell asleep, it was only until I heard the long beeping sound I even knew he was gone.

I held my emotions in and cried on the way home with Sherlock. Nobody could ever replace Miles.

I stayed with Sherlock for a few days but conversations were not constant. After I went back to school and I was distant from Lizzie but I didn't mean to be.

Right now. I'm sitting in my room, legs pulled up to my knees and just thinking. Lizzie is sitting on the other bed scrolling through her phone.

I sighed and got up and left the room, pulling the hood up on the hoodie I was wearing. miles gave it to me for my birthday as he knew I loved it. I fiddled with the small heart-shaped necklace around my neck, also a birthday present from him. I haven't taken them off since he went. Obviously to have a shower, but other than that I practically live in his hoodie.

I came out of the girls building and walked around the large field. I came to the football field and sat in the football stands. We had a proper little arena but I hardly watched the games lately.

I sat and let the cool breeze blow softly against my face. It was a sunny day and the sky was an orangy-pink colour.

I pulled my sleeves over my hands and rested my arm on my leg then my chin on my hand. Everybody was mostly in the field or in their rooms or the library. I was the only one in the arena. Or so I thought...

"Hey. What are you doing?" I heard a voice behind me.

I turned to see Mark with his sister.

"Sitting. You?" I asked getting up.

"We saw you and we wanted to ask if you're okay. You seem a little lost lately. And-" I cut him off.

"And its really none of your business." I said feeling annoyed. Everybody was really beginning to get on my nerves asking if I was okay.

If I want to be alone. I shall be alone.

"Wow. Excuse me for trying to help about your dead boyfriend." He said. My heartbeat suddenly sped up and I swallowed as a lump appeared in ny throat but wouldn't go away. His sister looked down and sighed.

"Mark. Don't say that to her." She said shoving him slightly. She looked up at me. "I'm sorry, but the whole school knows. He wouldn't shut up about it." She said.

"The whole shool?!" I said feeling like my privacy was stolen there and then.

"Yeah.." She said twiddling her thumbs.

"How did this happen?" I said frowning.

"I don't know it spread like wildfire. I thought it was a lie, a rumour. But then I saw you acting this way and I thought I'd ask. Is that a problem?" He said angrily.

"Yes it is. Leave me alone." I said turning away from him.

"Come on Mark we should leave her." I heard his sister say quietly.

I then sat back down and hear mumbling. About a minute later someone sits next to me. And who else would it be other than Mark?

"I'm sorry for saying-" I stood up and walked away from him not wanting to hear it. I just wanted some peace and quiet and a place to think things over.

"Jennifer wait." I kept walking but I knew he was right behind me. "Jennifer.." He said grabbing my arm.

"Don't touch me." I said sternly pulling my arm away from him as I turned to face him.

"What the hell is your problem?!" He exclaimed.

"You. You're my problem. All I want is some time alone but you always there! If you were in my position I'm sure you'd want to be alone. So stop following me around, get a life and go somewhere, where I don't have to see you!" I half shouted before turning again. I began to walk again and he grabbed my wrist.

"Please." He said.

Without turning around I yanked my arm away and said, "Fuck off." After that he left me alone. Thank God.











The next morning I woke up and I could smell the familiar smell of Miles from his hoodie. I groaned and sat up and then got ready.

My first lesson was English. Yay.

I was the first in class and I sat at my seat in the back. Mark wasn't there yet and there were only a few quiet students in the class. Soon enough, everybody came in and I ignored Mark as he slammed his book onto the table. I flinched slightly but I didn't look at him.

The whole lesson was just the teacher reading to us really. After the lesson I walked out of the classroom quickly and started going down the corridor.

I accidently bumped into Mark and he glared at me. "Woah. Sorry, but did I do something wrong?" I asked.

He scoffed. "Yes actually. You always push me away. Every time. I try to help you or talk to you and you the me to fuck off? I can't even look at you without you having a go at me. What is your problem? I know he's dead and everything but you reay should get over it. You're bringing everybody else down with you a d its pissing me off. I bet you don't even talk to Lizzie that much anymore. You alway sit on your own at lunch and when its our free time you're either in your room or away from everybody else!" He said angrily in a hushed tone.

"Dont you dare talk to me in that way about Miles." I said shakily. "And if I piss you off so much then just leave me alone."

"Why should I?" He said frowning.

"Because I don't like you. You annoy me and you always bother me. I just want 5 minutes alone and I can't do that because you are always there!" I said sighing.

"How did he die?" He asked suddenly.

"Shut up." I said quickly. Thinking about who killed him makes me angry inside and I never want to think of Matthew. Ever.

"Excuse me? All I asked was-"

"I know what you fucking asked. Don't you are ask me how-" I stopped and swallowed, clenching my teeth to stop myself from crying. "Just mind your own business." I said pushing past him.

"What is wrong with you?" He said. I couldn't believe him. I really couldn't.

I turned round to him. "Stay the fuck away from me." I said.

This is what he had been doing the whole time. Asking me this, asking me that.

A little bit of privacy wouldn't be too much to ask. No?

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