Chapter 18 -- Plunge

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Midge ducked back into the hotel room, glad that Lily was still asleep. He'd hated to leave her but knew he would hear if she cried. Scott had not told him that he loved him. He had said it, but Scott had not. He'd wanted him to come home, and that was a very good sign, but Scott was very upset, not that he could blame him.

Midge had d known he would be. Of course he had thought about telling Scott what he planned to do before he left that morning but he knew Scott so, so well. He would have told him not to go, that they would find a different answer, that he couldn't run from things. And if Scott had told him, straight out, to not leave... he may not have been strong enough to do it.

He didn't regret it though, he would gladly bear the brunt of Guy's, and even Scott's, anger if it kept Lily safe. His pain though, that he regretted tremendously. He did not think Scott would be so hurt, feel unneeded? How was it possible that he could feel that way? He must try to think of a way to fix this. Scott needed comfort and he wanted more than anything to give it to him.

He looked down as Lily started to wake, momentarily distracted by the ugly bedspread. Soon she would want to eat and then he would keep her up as long as possible so he could finally get some sleep as well. He would call Scott in the morning, to talk and hopefully find out about Marley.

How could he explain? How could he make him understand? Scott did not know how it felt to lie in a cage, wire pressing against bruised skin, used, bloody, alone and in pain. He did not know how cold and scary the dark could be, or how it could be so bad that the cage becomes a relief. He had never lived in fear of dark eyes shifting while Jose's mouth turned up at the corner because what was coming brought him joy, and relief, while it brought Midge nothing but pain. Food had never been so rare that it became the center of his world, eclipsing even the humiliation and pain in how hard it pressed down on him, starvation a constant companion.

There are places no one should go, safe havens in one's mind that should never be used because they are traps, dark and deep. Even now, after all this time, when he was safe and warm, those places called him. That sinking in his stomach that could not be filled with food, or love, or comfort, the rock in his chest that he could not chip away. Those places, that refuge, never left him. And yes, he ignored it as well as he could but now, when Scott was so angry and sad....

He picked up Lily and tried to put a smile on his face for her. He would not let her go through that. He would give up what he must to help her, to save her. She was young, and precioius, and did not deserve to be treated that way. He had been hurt for nothing, he would not let face the same fate.

While she sucked down her bottle Midge thought of Scott and wondered what he was doing. He could imagine him in the house alone and knew how much Scott hated it. He was probably having a drink and curling up on the couch to watch a movie, his phone nearby. He could call him, use his phone. Would Agent Guy or Scott try to track him? They were working on a plan with Marley, did that mean he had time and was safe for the time being?

He turned on the TV and let Lily watch the colors while she played with her toys, and picked up his phone.

"Scott?"

"Midge" he sighed, his relief obvious.

"You will not try to find me? Please?"

"Fine. Not tonight. I can't promise tomorrow."

"Alright. I am thinking of you and am worried that I have made you sad."

"You have. I'm disappointed in you. And in myself; I shouldn't have yelled. I'm sorry for that."

"I would do anything in my power to make you feel better. What can I say to help?"

"Just help me understand. I know you're afraid. I just don't know why you didn't trust me" he said sadly.

"How can you think I do not trust you? I trusted you to fix this mess with Agent Guy, to make it safe! It is the most important job. You are smart, and good with people and I knew you could do it, somehow. You could keep her safe."

"Okay. Alright, I'll try to see it that way. I feel very left out, like there's a huge part of you that I just don't get."

"You get all of me. Always. I am yours, Scott."

"No. That's not true, especially not right now. I get happy you. Comfortable you. Now, you. But as soon as things get hard you hide away. You never tell me what happened, why things bother you and affect you the way they do, how you feel about it all. I know you've told me tiny bits but it's not enough! I get that you had a bad time but Misty is okay, even with that jackass; and Marley is doing fine, right?"

"They are... yes better. They are okay" he admitted. "But Lily is deaf."

"Yeah, she is, so we're going to be extra careful, right? Guy is pulling so many strings Midge, you have no idea. He's trying. Why don't you trust ME and GUY enough to make sure Lily is okay? I want you home Midge."

"Please let me wait until she is safe. Please?"

"No. Home. Tonight. I hate sleeping without you. This is ridiculous, just get in the car and come home."

"Must I?"

"Are you asking me if it's a fucking order? After all this damn time? Don't do that to me. I don't deserve it!"

"I am sorry Ss Scott" he whimpered.

Scott knew how hard it was for Midge to ever say 'no' to him or even question and he took a deep breath to clear his head before responding.  "You need me little one, and I need you. Come home. Please."

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